Chapters 6 to 9
Chapter 6 - Alison
Suddenly the one that every one thought was actually brain dead came up with a perfect plan. That's right Alison came up with the perfect plan. Emily was shocked. Heather almost peed her pants and Susanne...well she just played in her barrel that she had snuck on board. Anyways back to this ingenious plan. Using mostly hair gel and tooth picks the girls would devise a way to create a comnmunication device that could communicate to the outer reaches of the universe, so teen girl squad could find the cast of lord of the rings.
"Gee Whiz Alison, how long did it take you to make that plan up" said Orlando who was completely unimpressed.
"Well for your information...it took me days"
"Uh...Alison, we've been here for about 2 hours so how could it take you days?" asked Emily
"I'm pshycic" Alison replied.
"Then why didn't you see this whole incident coming?" asked Heather who was in a tiff, because she smelt like urine.
"Just leave me alone!" screamed Alison as she ran into the bathroom.
Susanne who had stopped playing with her barrel long enough to witness the incident she quietly said " I think it's her time of the month..."
"ooohh" crooned the other girls apologetically.
Heather was the first to go to the washroom door. "Alison...what's wrong?"
"If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you!" she yelled back.
"Ok whatever" said Heather completely annoyed and ready to kill. " But if you don't come back out here, I'm gonna let Susanne drive the jet"
"Oh no you didn't!" said Alison as she ran through the washroom door and into the pilots seat.
"I knew I could do it" said Heather proudly.
"Well where are we off to next gang?" said Emily happily.
"I don't know, I mean were not gang and do not use that word again. It's almost as bad as teen girl squad unite. I mean what are you thinking Emily? Get on the ball!" said Susanne.
"What ball" asked Emily.
"you know the ball, ball!"
"WHAT BALL?"
"Okay whatever...if you don't know what ball i am talking about then you are out of the loop. Go off and marry Tomkins"
"EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW...your dirty Susanne" said the other girls.
"Besides Tomkins is dead. Well his torso is around here somewhere" said heather
"Okay we get it...we don't know where the ball is, alison is pmsing, Orlando Bloom, the hottest guy in the world is picking his nose, and we are in a Backstreet Boy jet, trying to find the cast of Lord of the Rings, so can we please get a move on?" exclaimed heather who was now exhausted.
"Yes" they said in unison.
"Good, now lets go to Russia!"
"Why Russia" asked ALison
"Just shut up and fly the jet" said heather tediously.
So Teen Girl Squad and Orlando Bloom flew to Russia. It took 3 hours. Emily led the sing a longs.
"Alright girls, Emily and Alison, you take Moscow, Heather and I will take St.Petersburg...and Orlando...heres a book, try to read it.susanne said as she handed him an alphabet book.
"WWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" excalimed Orlando as he jumped up and down.
So the girls went to search around Russia, becuase they had done absoloutely nothing for the past chapter, so the author thought that she should try to progress the plot a little bit, just to make the others happy and the author kind of did..kind of..well not really, it was actually it was total ramblings of a tired girl that has to play rugby tomorrow and it is know eleven o clock and evan won't stop saying lol and this girls sister wants to use the computer and this is the biggest freaking run on sentence i have ever seen, but anyways the teen girl squad went out to search for the cast members of lord of the rings.
And luckily all of a sudden they saw a big furry beast that looked kind of evil and wanted to eat them...How will the girls get out of this situation? Stay tuned for next time on....TEEN GIRL SQUAD THE SERIES OF EVENTS THAT TOOK PLACE AT SOME PLACE ON A JET AND INVOLVED SOME GUYS NO REALLY IT WAS ALL GUYS THAT THEY WERE TRYING TO SAVE OK WHATEVER IF YOU DON"T BELIEVE ME THATS FINE<>Chapter 7 - Emily
The Teen Girl Squad + Orlando Bloom all screamed for at least a full minute at the Big Furry Beast until they realized that it was not advancing on them anymore. Suddenly quiet they watched in facination, well, three of them did, a certain orlando bloom and susanne had grown tired of the impending doom of the Big Furry Beast and were now comparing their capes. The three girls watched as the Beast pulled a large sausage out of is coat and began chewing on it instead of the girls. The girls, being very pleased with this development decided to confront the Big Furry Beast. As they got within a meter it was to everyone’s amazement that the Big Furry Beast was in fact not a beast, but a Northern Russian! This was enought to make even orlando and susanne pay attention. Heather brutally shoved Emily out in front because heather didn’t know how to speak russian but saw the need to communicate with the Big Furry Russian. Emily also saw this need, but unfortunately only knew a few phrases of russian, none of which would help them in this situation. Against her better judgement she decided to try them anyway.
"Geben Sie mich hinter meine Unterwäsche!" ‘Give me back my underwear!’
The Big Furry Russian looked at Emily, or so she assumed because his face was hidden behind what was most likely his beard and she could not see his eyes. She quickly decided to try another phrase
"Jene Riesenschlange schaut vondervall auf Ihnen an, ist Rosa Ihre Farbe." ‘That boa looks wonderful on you, pink is defiantly your colour’
Even thought this didn’t go over so well Emily decided to try and salvage the conversation and used her last phrase
"Ich habe MIT Ihrem Freund nicht geschlafen!" ‘I did NOT sleep with your boyfriend!’
Even thought that was the extent of her knowledge of the russian language she did still understand body language and decided that this was a good time to run away.
With the other Teen Girls and Orlando following closely behind, Emily led them all screaming back to the jet. Safely back inside they decided to think of some more plans.
Emily and Ali were sitting in the old hair products room trying desperately to think of plans when they decided that they would go and see if Orlando knew anything that could help them out, since he was a member of the fellowship. Upon arrival in the control room they saw Orlando and Susanne in a rare moment of bonding, of coarse over their common interest: peanut butter. Susanne and Orlando were sitting cross legged on the floor under what they imagined was a super cool fort, but was really a fake snake skin tube top, which was left over on the jet from a groupie in the backstreet boys era, stretched over two chairs. Ignoring the ‘No one with an IQ over 21 allowed’ sign Emily and Ali went into the "fort". Orlando and Susanne were eating peanut butter out of the jar when Orlando had an idea. Pulling some lembas bread out of his jacket he began to apply peanut butter onto in.
"You see, Susanne, it’s just like bread!!"
Emily and Ali were wondering how old the lembas bread was, but since they were such suckers for anything Lord of the Rings they did not say anything. Susanne was busy pulling some jam out of her gigantic pants pocket.
"Wait till we add this!! It’s going to be soooo goood!!!!!!!" and then they both started to drool.
So Emily and Ali decided to leave them to their own devices and were just about to leave when they heard some extremely annoying pop/dance music coming from another section of the jet. They ran to the dance club room to see heather in there getting her grove on.
So...heather likes to dance...That was a bit of a surprise. Anyway Emily and Ali just stood in the doorway in shock.
"I guess this is why she has actually been letting you drive they jet. I knew there must have been a reason!" said Emily
"Ya, think we should let her know we are here?" asked Ali.
They both watched heather start doing the worm across the floor.
"Err, perhaps we should just leave..." Emily replied
They backed away slowly and went back to planning in the hair products room. While they were deep in thought Susanne rushed in all excited.
"I KNOW HOW TO FIND JOHN RHYS-DAVIES!!" Susanne shouted "We just have to follow his voice!!"
All of a sudden Emily and Ali understood, John did have a very loud, deep voice, all they had to do was listen for it and then follow it. The Teen Girls gathered in the control room to set out. Susanne and Orlando both had peanut butter all over themselves, Emily and Ali had exceptional hairstyles from all that time in the hair room and Heather was a little breathless from all the secret dancing. Once again the Teen Girl Squad left the safety of their ship and venured out into the busy (not) streets of Russia.
Ok, heather, on to you. (Please forgive me for the dancing to pop music).
Chapter 8 - Heather
So, while Ali, Emily and Susanne had this ingenious idea about following John Rhys-Davies voice, Heather who was getting her groove on had already found him. She had gotten tired from dancing so the good-looking shadowy man whom Heather assumed to be a co-pilot bought her a drink.
"Thanks"
"Sure Arw- beautiful"
Heather eyed him suspiciously but assumed that his relevance in the story was minor. She was also distracted by the familiar appearance of the bartender who muttered in a most recognizable droan. And then it hit her;
"John?"
"Heather?"
"My god bro its been so long. what are you down in a place like this? And you're so thin!"
Heather eyed his slim, clean-cut change in image than when she last saw him.
"It took a lot of lipo, botox, let me tell ya, but ah it pretty much blew my money so now I'm doing what I can to support myself"
"How come I didn't know that you were on this ship? We thought you were kidnapped!"
"Dominic and I were chased for a long time, they ended up being captured. But You know, since my sudden change in lifestyle I can even beat Lando in a foot race"
"Wow! So, you must have some idea as to where the others are... come with me, i'll take you to the rest of the girls"
"Well, I gotta close up first but I'll catch up with you."
Heather wandered back to the controls room only to catch Susanne and Orlando in the midst of the act- him licking the peanut butter off a spoon which she held.
"...I-um..."
"...she..."
"Whatever guys. we'll discuss you later. In the meantime, you'll never guess who I just bumped into!"
Just then Alison and Emily burst into the room.
"Hey you guys, we think we know where to find John!"
"Ya, Emily and I just detected something on the the communication device."
"Well, genious', I already found him and he has a hint of where to find Dominic."
Heather smirked and silently took pride in her good sluthing skillls as to somehow distract the others from her latest bladder control problem.
What will become of Susanne and Lando? Is John the answer to their prayers? Does this shadowy man have a Lord of the Rings factor?
Keep it up Susanne and we'll find out.
Chapter 9 - Susanne
The Teen Girl Squad stepped cautiously from the jet and into the snowy streets of Russia, taking advantage of the time they had stolen without Orlando (or “Langly Lando” as he insisted everyone call him even though everyone was pretty sure ‘langly’ is not a word) by sending him on a secret mission. More specifically, they told him there was a funny noise coming from somewhere in the jet and he was the only one who couldn’t hear it, and he refused to leave the jet until he heard it. Susanne thought this was very langly of him and was glad to finally be doing some real superhero work instead of watching Orlando play Baywatch with his “action figures”. *coughbarbiescough*
The girls moved from the side of the ship and as they were walking away, Emily noticed some large tracks leading to the back of the ship, but didn’t say anything because then there would be no cliffhanger ending for this chapter.
Wrapping themselves with their capes for warmth, the girls followed John Rhys-Davies into the small town he called Home. As Heather pointed out later, it was actually pronounced ‘Homm’. Homm, Russia. But they followed him anyway.
“So where exactly are you taking us? Because except for you, and this other weird thing, I don’t smell anything remotely Lord of the Rings about this place.” Questioned Alison.
“Perhaps the snow has blurred your vis- uh, sense of smell. You know, like snow blindness only with smelling… Right?” he reasoned.
“No, I’m just pretty sure there is nothing Lord of the Rings in Homm, Russia.”
“Well, okay. I didn’t want to do this but since you guys seem so determined to save everybody, I’ll tell you what I know. There is a kidnapped member of the Lord of the Rings, or more, I dunno, maybe, on the other side of this mountain.” He then lifted an arm into the air to dramatically reveal the fact that there was a giant mountain in front of them.”
“THE MISTY MOUNTAINS??” shouted Emily.
“No,” John laughed and looked up at the great mountain covered in a fine layer of mist, “but the similarities are intriguing.” The girls nodded because it was true.
So with that the group of five set out to scale the mountain, but as night settled in, it appeared that they were going nowhere. Snow fell from the sky in langs, wind screamed like a spoiled child in Walmart through their hair and down their backs until John motioned them into a small crack in the mountain that would serve as a shelter for the night.
“This SUCKS!” screamed Susanne who despite everything had remained the most optimistic. “I mean this really, really sucks!” she shouted again pulling two handfuls of snow out of her underwear. She shifted uncomfortably and huddled down in the corner, but something was stabbing her in the back. She shifted again, taking more snow out of her pants, and since that didn’t help she put a few more in. There was still something stabbing her in the back. In a great feat of super-flexibility, Susanne reached her arm back to that impossible to reach spot on her back and grabbed hold of another large white lump; only this time the large white lump turned out to be Ian McKellen who protested being removed from his toasty hiding place.
“Mr McKellen, sir? Why are you hiding on my back?”
“Why didn’t you notice sooner?”
“I barely go there myself.”
“True enough.”
“Will you please leave?”
“No.”
“Oh… Okay…” Susanne shrugged and decided to forget that it ever happened. The gang decided to turn back, because snow sucks so badly.
“But if we turn back, how will we save the Lord of the Rings actors on the other side?” asked Emily.
“We could go through the MINES!” shouted John, but since he wasn’t exactly batting a thousand this far, they listened to Heather instead.
“Why don’t we just get back on our jet, and fly over???!!!!”
The gang decided this was a good idea.
Since the girls had left the jet with no one of importance guarding it, the Big Furry Russian decided to inspect it closely. He had been walking around and around, making no conclusions for quite some time yet his curiosity remained, and perhaps even grew stronger. The BFR took many steps back to admire the jet properly, and it was at this moment the girls, John and Ian coincidently returned. BFR dove into a bush and watched closely as the doors opened and the squad fought their way inside to warm up. The last person went inside and BFR ran to join them but sadly he did not make it inside. As he turned away from miserable defeat he realized that things were much worse than not being inside a jet. Much worse. In fact, his beard was caught in the door, and the jet was ready to take off.
Confused, and afraid, BFR tugged and pounded on the door; no one heard him. He ran along side the jet as it gained speed, until finally he was pulled off his hairy feet, and into the sky. Alison settled into the driver’s seat while Emily, Heather and Susanne played Pin the Tail on the Atlas to see where they would go next.
And that place was Norway.
Rock on Alison!
Suddenly the one that every one thought was actually brain dead came up with a perfect plan. That's right Alison came up with the perfect plan. Emily was shocked. Heather almost peed her pants and Susanne...well she just played in her barrel that she had snuck on board. Anyways back to this ingenious plan. Using mostly hair gel and tooth picks the girls would devise a way to create a comnmunication device that could communicate to the outer reaches of the universe, so teen girl squad could find the cast of lord of the rings.
"Gee Whiz Alison, how long did it take you to make that plan up" said Orlando who was completely unimpressed.
"Well for your information...it took me days"
"Uh...Alison, we've been here for about 2 hours so how could it take you days?" asked Emily
"I'm pshycic" Alison replied.
"Then why didn't you see this whole incident coming?" asked Heather who was in a tiff, because she smelt like urine.
"Just leave me alone!" screamed Alison as she ran into the bathroom.
Susanne who had stopped playing with her barrel long enough to witness the incident she quietly said " I think it's her time of the month..."
"ooohh" crooned the other girls apologetically.
Heather was the first to go to the washroom door. "Alison...what's wrong?"
"If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you!" she yelled back.
"Ok whatever" said Heather completely annoyed and ready to kill. " But if you don't come back out here, I'm gonna let Susanne drive the jet"
"Oh no you didn't!" said Alison as she ran through the washroom door and into the pilots seat.
"I knew I could do it" said Heather proudly.
"Well where are we off to next gang?" said Emily happily.
"I don't know, I mean were not gang and do not use that word again. It's almost as bad as teen girl squad unite. I mean what are you thinking Emily? Get on the ball!" said Susanne.
"What ball" asked Emily.
"you know the ball, ball!"
"WHAT BALL?"
"Okay whatever...if you don't know what ball i am talking about then you are out of the loop. Go off and marry Tomkins"
"EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW...your dirty Susanne" said the other girls.
"Besides Tomkins is dead. Well his torso is around here somewhere" said heather
"Okay we get it...we don't know where the ball is, alison is pmsing, Orlando Bloom, the hottest guy in the world is picking his nose, and we are in a Backstreet Boy jet, trying to find the cast of Lord of the Rings, so can we please get a move on?" exclaimed heather who was now exhausted.
"Yes" they said in unison.
"Good, now lets go to Russia!"
"Why Russia" asked ALison
"Just shut up and fly the jet" said heather tediously.
So Teen Girl Squad and Orlando Bloom flew to Russia. It took 3 hours. Emily led the sing a longs.
"Alright girls, Emily and Alison, you take Moscow, Heather and I will take St.Petersburg...and Orlando...heres a book, try to read it.susanne said as she handed him an alphabet book.
"WWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" excalimed Orlando as he jumped up and down.
So the girls went to search around Russia, becuase they had done absoloutely nothing for the past chapter, so the author thought that she should try to progress the plot a little bit, just to make the others happy and the author kind of did..kind of..well not really, it was actually it was total ramblings of a tired girl that has to play rugby tomorrow and it is know eleven o clock and evan won't stop saying lol and this girls sister wants to use the computer and this is the biggest freaking run on sentence i have ever seen, but anyways the teen girl squad went out to search for the cast members of lord of the rings.
And luckily all of a sudden they saw a big furry beast that looked kind of evil and wanted to eat them...How will the girls get out of this situation? Stay tuned for next time on....TEEN GIRL SQUAD THE SERIES OF EVENTS THAT TOOK PLACE AT SOME PLACE ON A JET AND INVOLVED SOME GUYS NO REALLY IT WAS ALL GUYS THAT THEY WERE TRYING TO SAVE OK WHATEVER IF YOU DON"T BELIEVE ME THATS FINE<>Chapter 7 - Emily
The Teen Girl Squad + Orlando Bloom all screamed for at least a full minute at the Big Furry Beast until they realized that it was not advancing on them anymore. Suddenly quiet they watched in facination, well, three of them did, a certain orlando bloom and susanne had grown tired of the impending doom of the Big Furry Beast and were now comparing their capes. The three girls watched as the Beast pulled a large sausage out of is coat and began chewing on it instead of the girls. The girls, being very pleased with this development decided to confront the Big Furry Beast. As they got within a meter it was to everyone’s amazement that the Big Furry Beast was in fact not a beast, but a Northern Russian! This was enought to make even orlando and susanne pay attention. Heather brutally shoved Emily out in front because heather didn’t know how to speak russian but saw the need to communicate with the Big Furry Russian. Emily also saw this need, but unfortunately only knew a few phrases of russian, none of which would help them in this situation. Against her better judgement she decided to try them anyway.
"Geben Sie mich hinter meine Unterwäsche!" ‘Give me back my underwear!’
The Big Furry Russian looked at Emily, or so she assumed because his face was hidden behind what was most likely his beard and she could not see his eyes. She quickly decided to try another phrase
"Jene Riesenschlange schaut vondervall auf Ihnen an, ist Rosa Ihre Farbe." ‘That boa looks wonderful on you, pink is defiantly your colour’
Even thought this didn’t go over so well Emily decided to try and salvage the conversation and used her last phrase
"Ich habe MIT Ihrem Freund nicht geschlafen!" ‘I did NOT sleep with your boyfriend!’
Even thought that was the extent of her knowledge of the russian language she did still understand body language and decided that this was a good time to run away.
With the other Teen Girls and Orlando following closely behind, Emily led them all screaming back to the jet. Safely back inside they decided to think of some more plans.
Emily and Ali were sitting in the old hair products room trying desperately to think of plans when they decided that they would go and see if Orlando knew anything that could help them out, since he was a member of the fellowship. Upon arrival in the control room they saw Orlando and Susanne in a rare moment of bonding, of coarse over their common interest: peanut butter. Susanne and Orlando were sitting cross legged on the floor under what they imagined was a super cool fort, but was really a fake snake skin tube top, which was left over on the jet from a groupie in the backstreet boys era, stretched over two chairs. Ignoring the ‘No one with an IQ over 21 allowed’ sign Emily and Ali went into the "fort". Orlando and Susanne were eating peanut butter out of the jar when Orlando had an idea. Pulling some lembas bread out of his jacket he began to apply peanut butter onto in.
"You see, Susanne, it’s just like bread!!"
Emily and Ali were wondering how old the lembas bread was, but since they were such suckers for anything Lord of the Rings they did not say anything. Susanne was busy pulling some jam out of her gigantic pants pocket.
"Wait till we add this!! It’s going to be soooo goood!!!!!!!" and then they both started to drool.
So Emily and Ali decided to leave them to their own devices and were just about to leave when they heard some extremely annoying pop/dance music coming from another section of the jet. They ran to the dance club room to see heather in there getting her grove on.
So...heather likes to dance...That was a bit of a surprise. Anyway Emily and Ali just stood in the doorway in shock.
"I guess this is why she has actually been letting you drive they jet. I knew there must have been a reason!" said Emily
"Ya, think we should let her know we are here?" asked Ali.
They both watched heather start doing the worm across the floor.
"Err, perhaps we should just leave..." Emily replied
They backed away slowly and went back to planning in the hair products room. While they were deep in thought Susanne rushed in all excited.
"I KNOW HOW TO FIND JOHN RHYS-DAVIES!!" Susanne shouted "We just have to follow his voice!!"
All of a sudden Emily and Ali understood, John did have a very loud, deep voice, all they had to do was listen for it and then follow it. The Teen Girls gathered in the control room to set out. Susanne and Orlando both had peanut butter all over themselves, Emily and Ali had exceptional hairstyles from all that time in the hair room and Heather was a little breathless from all the secret dancing. Once again the Teen Girl Squad left the safety of their ship and venured out into the busy (not) streets of Russia.
Ok, heather, on to you. (Please forgive me for the dancing to pop music).
Chapter 8 - Heather
So, while Ali, Emily and Susanne had this ingenious idea about following John Rhys-Davies voice, Heather who was getting her groove on had already found him. She had gotten tired from dancing so the good-looking shadowy man whom Heather assumed to be a co-pilot bought her a drink.
"Thanks"
"Sure Arw- beautiful"
Heather eyed him suspiciously but assumed that his relevance in the story was minor. She was also distracted by the familiar appearance of the bartender who muttered in a most recognizable droan. And then it hit her;
"John?"
"Heather?"
"My god bro its been so long. what are you down in a place like this? And you're so thin!"
Heather eyed his slim, clean-cut change in image than when she last saw him.
"It took a lot of lipo, botox, let me tell ya, but ah it pretty much blew my money so now I'm doing what I can to support myself"
"How come I didn't know that you were on this ship? We thought you were kidnapped!"
"Dominic and I were chased for a long time, they ended up being captured. But You know, since my sudden change in lifestyle I can even beat Lando in a foot race"
"Wow! So, you must have some idea as to where the others are... come with me, i'll take you to the rest of the girls"
"Well, I gotta close up first but I'll catch up with you."
Heather wandered back to the controls room only to catch Susanne and Orlando in the midst of the act- him licking the peanut butter off a spoon which she held.
"...I-um..."
"...she..."
"Whatever guys. we'll discuss you later. In the meantime, you'll never guess who I just bumped into!"
Just then Alison and Emily burst into the room.
"Hey you guys, we think we know where to find John!"
"Ya, Emily and I just detected something on the the communication device."
"Well, genious', I already found him and he has a hint of where to find Dominic."
Heather smirked and silently took pride in her good sluthing skillls as to somehow distract the others from her latest bladder control problem.
What will become of Susanne and Lando? Is John the answer to their prayers? Does this shadowy man have a Lord of the Rings factor?
Keep it up Susanne and we'll find out.
Chapter 9 - Susanne
The Teen Girl Squad stepped cautiously from the jet and into the snowy streets of Russia, taking advantage of the time they had stolen without Orlando (or “Langly Lando” as he insisted everyone call him even though everyone was pretty sure ‘langly’ is not a word) by sending him on a secret mission. More specifically, they told him there was a funny noise coming from somewhere in the jet and he was the only one who couldn’t hear it, and he refused to leave the jet until he heard it. Susanne thought this was very langly of him and was glad to finally be doing some real superhero work instead of watching Orlando play Baywatch with his “action figures”. *coughbarbiescough*
The girls moved from the side of the ship and as they were walking away, Emily noticed some large tracks leading to the back of the ship, but didn’t say anything because then there would be no cliffhanger ending for this chapter.
Wrapping themselves with their capes for warmth, the girls followed John Rhys-Davies into the small town he called Home. As Heather pointed out later, it was actually pronounced ‘Homm’. Homm, Russia. But they followed him anyway.
“So where exactly are you taking us? Because except for you, and this other weird thing, I don’t smell anything remotely Lord of the Rings about this place.” Questioned Alison.
“Perhaps the snow has blurred your vis- uh, sense of smell. You know, like snow blindness only with smelling… Right?” he reasoned.
“No, I’m just pretty sure there is nothing Lord of the Rings in Homm, Russia.”
“Well, okay. I didn’t want to do this but since you guys seem so determined to save everybody, I’ll tell you what I know. There is a kidnapped member of the Lord of the Rings, or more, I dunno, maybe, on the other side of this mountain.” He then lifted an arm into the air to dramatically reveal the fact that there was a giant mountain in front of them.”
“THE MISTY MOUNTAINS??” shouted Emily.
“No,” John laughed and looked up at the great mountain covered in a fine layer of mist, “but the similarities are intriguing.” The girls nodded because it was true.
So with that the group of five set out to scale the mountain, but as night settled in, it appeared that they were going nowhere. Snow fell from the sky in langs, wind screamed like a spoiled child in Walmart through their hair and down their backs until John motioned them into a small crack in the mountain that would serve as a shelter for the night.
“This SUCKS!” screamed Susanne who despite everything had remained the most optimistic. “I mean this really, really sucks!” she shouted again pulling two handfuls of snow out of her underwear. She shifted uncomfortably and huddled down in the corner, but something was stabbing her in the back. She shifted again, taking more snow out of her pants, and since that didn’t help she put a few more in. There was still something stabbing her in the back. In a great feat of super-flexibility, Susanne reached her arm back to that impossible to reach spot on her back and grabbed hold of another large white lump; only this time the large white lump turned out to be Ian McKellen who protested being removed from his toasty hiding place.
“Mr McKellen, sir? Why are you hiding on my back?”
“Why didn’t you notice sooner?”
“I barely go there myself.”
“True enough.”
“Will you please leave?”
“No.”
“Oh… Okay…” Susanne shrugged and decided to forget that it ever happened. The gang decided to turn back, because snow sucks so badly.
“But if we turn back, how will we save the Lord of the Rings actors on the other side?” asked Emily.
“We could go through the MINES!” shouted John, but since he wasn’t exactly batting a thousand this far, they listened to Heather instead.
“Why don’t we just get back on our jet, and fly over???!!!!”
The gang decided this was a good idea.
Since the girls had left the jet with no one of importance guarding it, the Big Furry Russian decided to inspect it closely. He had been walking around and around, making no conclusions for quite some time yet his curiosity remained, and perhaps even grew stronger. The BFR took many steps back to admire the jet properly, and it was at this moment the girls, John and Ian coincidently returned. BFR dove into a bush and watched closely as the doors opened and the squad fought their way inside to warm up. The last person went inside and BFR ran to join them but sadly he did not make it inside. As he turned away from miserable defeat he realized that things were much worse than not being inside a jet. Much worse. In fact, his beard was caught in the door, and the jet was ready to take off.
Confused, and afraid, BFR tugged and pounded on the door; no one heard him. He ran along side the jet as it gained speed, until finally he was pulled off his hairy feet, and into the sky. Alison settled into the driver’s seat while Emily, Heather and Susanne played Pin the Tail on the Atlas to see where they would go next.
And that place was Norway.
Rock on Alison!
posted by Susanne at 5:44 PM
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