Chapter 5: It Ain’t a Real Story if We Can’t Make of Someone

By:Alison

The girls set out to Hollywood where they would get more information about the whereabouts of Bruce Willis.

“Who was on the phone Super Susanne?” inquired Emily.

“He wouldn’t say. He had a very monotonous voice though,” replied Susanne. “You’d figure if someone had a lead to the location of Bruce Willis, they might be a little more enthusiastic!”

The girls nodded in agreement, especially Alison who seemed to have lost control of her head and was nodding uncontrollably and in all directions.

“Help Me!” she whimpered as her head bobbed up and down. After the girls strapped Alison’s head to the side of the ship they continued discussing the monotonous voice on the phone.

“Did he sound familiar?” inquired Heather.

“Oddly enough, he did. I know I know his voice from somewhere…” Susanne said as she drifted into her own thoughts.

“Ghabhmmmm,” mumbled Alison, seeing as Heather thought it would be funny to shove a sock in her mouth, but Heather insisted it was for everyone’s safety. “Ptew…Question: Who is driving the SHIP!!?!!?!?” cried out Alison.

“No worries. It’s on auto-pilot,” declared Emily.

“We have an auto-pilot button?”

“Yes, didn’t anyone know?” asked Emily.

Susanne and Heather shook there head ‘no’ and Alison just looked sad because she couldn’t take part in the head shaking for fear that her head would go ballistics again.

“Oooooh we’re here!” said the GPS system. It had been a gift from the prostitots after TGS had defeated the elderly. Unfortunately, the prostitots had taken it upon themselves to record they’re own voices to replace the GPS woman. And TGS had to admit, the GPS system did make their life easier- but they could do without the squeals and the excited shrieks.

TGS got off the get, or at least they got off, then climbed back on, unstrapped Alison and unloaded the jet again. Alison’s head, was only randomly twitching every few minutes now.

“So where are we supposed to meet Mr. Monotonous?” asked Alison.

“He said at some place called…..er….The Kodak Theatre?” said Susanne.

“Oooooooooooooooooooooooooh!”

“Emily, we don’t need the GPS now!” yelled Heather.

“It wasn’t the GPS,” declared Emily indignantly. They turned around only to see, Alison jumping up and down her head wobbling from side to side and her curly hair flying in every direction. After the 10-minutes of jumping and an extra 5-minutes of enduring the high-pitched excited voice and another 10-minutes of agreeing that “yes, it is possible that Adrian Brody might visit the Kodak Theatre today too” and “I agree, I wish the Oscars were today too” TGS set out for the Kodak Theatre.

***

The walk to the Kodak Theatre should only take 10 minutes from the jet’s landing place. Unfortunately, TGS were a little star-studded and figured they might as well take this opportunity to get a few pictures of themselves in super hero poses and in famous places to decorate their new headquarters. So they arrived about 2 hours late to meet the monotonous stranger. They walked down the aisle of the Kodak theatre, well except Alison who ran through all the rows petting the red velvet and yelling out which celebrity sat in which seat. They climbed the stairs of the stage, Alison, who was still had 60 rows to go was giggling gleefully.

Then they saw a tall, dark figure lurking in the shadows. He was wearing a black trench coat, black jeans, a black shirt and black sunglasses. His hair, which was also black, was slicked back and looked as though it would take a high-powered drill to break the seal the gel had made. He walked forward slowly.

“I’m glad you could make it Teen Girl Squad” he said monotonously. He crept out of the shadows and was finally in clear view of TGS.

“Oh god” mumbled Susanne disgruntled.

Emily and Heather looked subtly at each other with looks of disgust on their face. And Alison still had 45 rows to run through.

“You do know who I am, don’t you?” he asked. (Monotonously, I might add)

“Ugh…yes,” said Emily.

“Yes, it is I-“he paused for emphatic purposes. “Keanu Reeves. I heard that you are looking for Bruce Willis and that he was taken by your evil twin” he glanced in Susanne’s direction.

“So?” Heather asked a little more rudely than she intended, although luckily Keanu Reeves couldn’t understand an emotion even if it hit him over the head. He would still say “Ow, that hurt…(pause) ..ow” in his monotonous voice.

“Well as you might know, I once played my own evil twin in the movie Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey. So I think I could-“ he paused again for 45 seconds which what he considered the perfect amount of time to add emphasis. “Help you…..”

Emily, Susanne and Heather looked each other unsure if they should take this actors offer of help. Meanwhile Alison was sitting in the seat where Adrian Brody had sat during last years Oscars, petting the velvet, her head twitching every so often.