TGS TCBs!! - People Pushing, People Shoving, and the Girls are Trying to Look Pretty

By: Susanne W.

A chilly wind swept across the field, which delayed movement for an embarrassed moment as everyone paused to hold down their skirts and various hairpieces. There was a lot of thinking done in the last little while about the lack of powers on the girl’s side of things. There was really no way of acquiring powers within a day or so (that didn’t involve witchcraft of some kind) so there was only one real thing to be done about the lack of extraordinary abilities: bluff like crazy, which they would. And sometimes when you have the experience of at least one prior adventure, the strength of your best gal pals, and the support of some typical, but fiercely devoted small town kids behind you, it’s only a matter of pulling together and TCB. That’s right, taking care o’ business. And you know what that means, really cool shades.
It took a minute for the actual pulling together bit though, because as soon as a few kids heard the words “taking care of business” they immediately felt the urge to play that wicked guitar bit from the chorus on air guitar. Badaaaow dadow dow dow, daneeow neeeow neeeoowww, neeeeoooooww…

The wind backed off, and both sides advanced once again. This is what the field looked like:

The old dudes were advancing from the east with the groggy stoners not far behind, more likely out of confusion than for the element of surprise. Behind the teen girls, the kids spread themselves out according to the usual routine of their most similar experience to this (dodge ball), and the wiggers were sooooo west side. That’s when all hell broke loose.

Maybe they had just zoned out for a moment, but one minute they were slowly meeting in the middle of the field, and the next there were fists flying, people screaming, hollering, and complaining. It was madness.
The girls decided to split up around the field and cover what they could. Heather veered off to the right and bowled through a pile of old ladies pinching the cheeks of the preps. One girl was knocked to the ground and hit her head very hard. For a moment she could have sworn she saw a giant ball of yarn sitting on the edge of the field, but after closing her eyes and shaking her head around she saw the squad’s jet there in its place. ‘Eyes, like, totally playing tricks on me,’ she thought briefly and scrambled to rejoin her clique. They scattered, scowling (both grannies and preps), and Heather ran off again to see what else she could do. Emily was not far behind. She was high kicking and running as fast as the Iron Butt would allow her. Progress was minimal at this point but all she could think was, “Man, this butt is really doing its job.”

Susanne had what she thought was her finest Bruce Lee impression yet in full form, and she landed a drop kick to an old man’s chest that sent him flying into a bunch of other old men, which sent them tumbling like a wave of helpless dominos.
“Sweet!” she whispered to herself, and began a quick victory dance that ended badly as she was knocked down from behind by this random old lady who then tried to stomp on her stomach very badly. This angered Susanne very much because it’s exceptionally hard to stand up in a skirt with people crowded so tightly around you. For a moment she passively pushed the foot away, more concerned with the strange hot sensation growing in her arms, back and forehead. What was that odd, yet curiously familiar feeling? Her pupils suddenly grew very large as the answer dawned on her once before all rational thought was lost to a craving for utter mayhem. It was, THE GREMLIN! She leapt to her feet with a savage scream, sent the old bat flying and was soon lost in the crowd. Emily caught sight of this from about twenty feet away and sighed as she had a faint idea of what it was going to be like to put that to bed tonight. Oh well.

Alison realized it was time for a new angle. Her beloved freaks and geeks were lost to each other on the field, with the freaks leaning coolly against the blue jet, and the geeks rolling dice frantically to see who would do what next. She paused for a moment of silent reflection and emotionlessly surveyed the battle as she frowned very hard to help her think. It wasn’t until she caught sight of Emily, being approached by a geezer with the most chapped lips of all time, fall to the ground with a shudder of disgust that she finally felt some gears turning. Yes. That was a plan all right, and it would work too…