Chapter 14: Who Took My Cake?

Hilary Duff always considered herself to look better as a brunette. This thought often crossed her mind, but as all blondes do, put the thought aside and went on thinking about shoes and pigeons. While sharing a small low budget hotel room with the man of the east, Hilary finally decided that it was time to go brown. She thought that this would be a most clever disguise to destroy TGS with although like everything else Hilary Duff does, it did not go exactly as planned. While mixing the hair dye with the peroxide, Hilary accidentally threw in a bottle of silver nail polish instead of the hair dye. The results were not spectacular. Hilary Duff now had silver, grey hair, which made her look like she was about sixty years old. The fact that she hadn’t gotten any sleep in three days did not help either, for you see the man of the east snored so loudly that even the drug deal going on in the room next to them couldn’t even concentrate.
Meanwhile in a basement far away in Hollywood, TGS were working with their amazing actors to make movie magic happen. Although to their surprise, making movies wasn’t as magical as they thought it would be. Finally they finished filming their first scene, although it had not gone quite as planned. The spaceship that was supposed to be the TGS jet, fell apart and Heather ripped all of the tin foil off accidentally during one of her mood swings. Their lead actor Antonio Banderas was off greasing his hair and working out. It seemed that only TGS really cared about actually making this movie properly and on schedule. George Lucas intended on directing the film, but after realizing that he wasn’t cool, broke down in tears and ran away. Instead, Susanne, Ringo and Alison teamed up to entice Wes Anderson to drop his latest movie with Owen Wilson and come and direct the TGS movie. Luckily Wes Anderson can never do a movie without Bill Murray and Owen Wilson, so they came and had small parts in the movie as well. The movie was all coming together and it was going great. It was a movie with well known actors yet maintained it’s independent wittily funny stature. The man of the east could not stand this as she sat listening to Hilary Duff scream and cry over her hair.
“They mustn’t succeed. I will not allow it” stated the Man of the East.
“I…GAH….I DON’T *ALJSYEUSHFSALKF* BELIEVE IT!” screamed Hilary Duff.
“Shut up! We’re trying to do a crack deal over here” yelled the irritated drug dealers from the next room.
“Right… we’ve got to do something about this.” Said the Man of the East.
“Hey Man of the Southern West…there’s already an antagonist. What’s your problem?” asked Hilary
“Wha…what did you just call me? Anyways…obviously the antagonist isn’t doing his job, if he hasn’t even been mentioned in this chapter yet. Hmm…did you ever think of that one, Duffman?”

The Man of the East had a point. The antagonist hadn’t been mentioned yet. That could’ve been because there wasn’t only one antagonist but three! It was the most terrible thing that happened since the last story! While filming one of the action scenes of the movie, Emily stopped to take a break. She went outside to do a bit of yoga when she saw a tall, large figure coming toward her. It couldn’t be the BFR he was inside filming.
“What is that figure over yonder?” Emily thought to herself.
As it came closer, Emily realized that it was Steven Segal. Emily’s first instinct was to run away. So that was exactly what she did. She ran inside and did up the 12 locks on the door. She then put a bank vault door in front of that door and a brick wall in front of that one. She then ran to TGS, out of breath and unstretched.
“Uh…phew…(inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale)…Ste…Stev…Steve…Steven Se…Segal is coming towards the building. I…uh…phew…think he wants a part in the movie”
Panic. Pandemonium. Mayhem. Chaos. It all happened in this area. TGS had all fit underneath the bed and the BFR and all his tentacles hid in the fake space ship. Ringo, Owen, Bill and Wes all were able to fit underneath a lawn mower and a lampshade.

BANG! BANG! BANG!

“Don’t let him in…”whispered Heather in a very mysterious and terrifying manner.
A loud screech was heard from outside the doors. Everyone covered their ears in pain. Ringo pulled the lampshade further onto his head.
The bangs continued long into the night. Everyone stayed very still, not daring to move or even breath.
Steven Segal was able to break down the first door after the seventh hour of banging.
“The breach has been broken, the breach has been broken” cried Alison. “Prepare the armies for battle!” Everyone stared at each other, then stared at Alison and shrugged. Sat down, made chocolate cake and began to eat it. "C'mon guys the breach is broken…ya know…whatever” she sat down as well and grabbed a piece of chocolate cake.
Susanne stood up. Magically her cape appeared and her she was ready to go. No Steven Segal would appear in this film and she was prepared to fight to the death to stop him. And thus the third antagonist was introduced. Whether he would play a big part in this story or not, we would soon find out. Was it possible for TGS to fight three completely different antagonists? Stay tuned next week and be prepared to fight for your cake.