Here is the story so far. There is a bit of hesitancy on the part of the girls, and so I will post it under my name exactly as it is in the e-mail we've been passing around spelling, grammar, inside jokes you will never see the true beauty of, and all. There are indicators as to who has written what (such as the colour, a thought that just occured to me) so it's not like you're going to be holding your head and screaming all the way through it, but it's not like you are not going to be holding your head and screaming because some of the spelling and grammar is really bad. But I digress...
chapter 1
So anyways, one day this girl named Emily went to school. it was like every other day but some how she knew it would be diffent. it could have been because it was the first day if school, but she wasn't nervous she knew that teen girl squad would be there so she was actually excitied.
on the bus way there emily noticed that the bus was going extremely fast like almost hyper space fast. well the bus started to get really hot and then she realized that it was on fire...because it was going so freaking fast. this actually kind of scared emily because fire is not cool. well anyways the bus turned off the road and started driving through a field which turned into woods. this was very odd for emily because she didn't know what was going on. emily looked around and found out that she was the only one on the bus because all of the other kids jumped off when they were driving really fast. Even though the kids should have been killed they all landed on their feet and began running. it was kind of like the matrix.
emily looked ahead and saw that the bus was heading for a mountain...she also saw that the bus driver jumped off the bus as well. emily screamed...but instead of crashing into the mountain they went right through it....right into the centre of the mountain which was hollow. Finally the bus stopped right in the centre. Emily jumped off the bus and looked around. there was one televisin in the room and all it had on it was snow. emily stared at the television and then it turned to a certain channel.
the news was on and the new anchor spoke in a monotonous tone she droned on and on and finally something caught emily's attention.
" the well know actors from lord of the rings have been kidnapped. they have all been hidden in separate places around the world. it is just the original 'fellowship' that has been kidnapped. that is ian mckellen, viggo mortensen, elijah wood, sean bean, sean astin, dominc monaghan, billy boyd, orlando bloom and john rhys davies. they have all been hidden in different countries and the ransom note that was left at each of their homes that they will all never come back again...muhahaahaa"
the room that emily was in began to spin...she was scared...what if they never came back, she thought. she knew what she had to do.....
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chapter 2
heather was running a course, near the outdoor ed, when she heard a high pitched squeaking noise. she know what that meant. she ran to the nearest tree, pried it open, climbed inside and was shooted down a tube. she was shot out into a phone booth, where she quickly changed her clothes. she ran to her window and started making a loud chirping noise...
susanne was on her computer when she heard the loud chirping noise. she hated that noise...it was so annoying. she didn't know who ever thought that a chirping noise would make a good call. she put down her 5th tetley tea juice box and jumped inside of her computer. she jumped out ready to go. she quickly went online and started making a very loud meowing noise...
alison was watching lord of the rings when she heard the loud meowing noise coming from her computer. she ran upstairs and quickly got dressed...but she put her shirt on backwards so redressed her self correctly and ran out of the house.
heather, susanne and alison met at their regular meeting spot, Doohers and began quickly discussing what they had heard. first they reallized that something was wrong. then they realized that they didn't have any coffee in their system. fianlly they came to the conclusion that emily wasn't there. after this they bought there coffee and listened for the high pitched squeaking sound. they travelled around campbellford but found nothing. they finally found a school bus that was parked. so alison....the only one with her G1 took over. they began drivig through fields, but then the school bus did something quite weird...it flipped over and started driving on it's back. th girls were screaming yet laughing at the same time fianlly susanne saw in the distance a mountain. she was scared. she didn't tell the others what was going on because...welll i don't know. but anyways the girls drove right through the mountain...and stopped when they hit emily in the butt.
"well thanks for making it girls" said emily.
the other girls came out of the bus looked around and then looked at emily. they stood in a circle and said
"TEEN GIRLS UNITE"
written by ali stay tuned for next time........
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Chapter 3
......NEXT TIME
The Teen Girl Squad all stood in the hollow mountain. Emily showed the other 3 girls the newscast, which she had conveniently taped. After Alison stopped having her algae bloom and Susanne stopped wondering why the newscaster, who had previously been described as speaking in a ‘monotonous tone’, followed up her newscast by saying ‘ muhahaahaa’ the girls started planning.
"We MUST save them!!!" shouted Ali.
"It will be really hard, they are located all over the world." reasoned heather.
"BUT WE HAVE TO" with these words ali started to jump around.
"Does this mean I will finally get to travel somewhere??" susanne asked hopefully
"yes"
"but how will we travel so far?" heather wondered
this is where emily saved the day...here it comes... "oh, thats no problem, you guys took so long that I had a bit of time to explore" she lead them about 10 steps towards the north side of the cave where there was a big Sonic Jet 2000.
"Wooooooo"
"impressive"
"SHOTGUN"
"Why is there a picture of the Backstreet Boys on it??"
"Oh, thats becuase it used to be their private jet until all of a sudden they weren’t famous anymore and then they were loosers and had to give up their jet. Nice job on that mission by the way girls!" said Emily
"Well, it was necessary, they were getting on my nerves" heather said
all of the teen girls gloated a bit about their past missions and then finally got back on subject.
"All right LETS GO!!!"susanne screamed
Emily looked around and noticed that the other three girls had gotten into their costumes before they came. "Ok, but first I have to change"
alison asked "how will you do that? There isn’t a phone booth here"
"oh, yes there is, I also found one of those" then emily walked over to the phone booth.
After some rapid spinning she tried to walk out
"oh no, my cape is caught in the phone booth door again."
The other teen girls helped emily get unstuck from the phone booth door
"it happens to the best of us" said heather in a consoling manner.
"Ok, just one more thing I have to do" said emily. She walked over to a first aid centre, which was also in the cave, and started to repair the damage that had been done to her butt when the bus had run into it.
Once that was done the teen girl squad started to get aboard the Jet. Then they got back off and blacked out all of the Backstreet Boys’ teeth with permanent marker. Then they got back on.
"I should drive since I am the only teen girl member with a G1" ali said smugly
"well, this is a Sonic Jet 2000 so I should drive" said heather
so heather got in the front seat and Susanne, since she had called it fairly, got to sit shotgun. Ali and emily went in the back of the jet. They came running back to report that the backstreet boys had turned half of the ship into a dance club and the other half into a hair product storage closet.
so emily and ali dumped out all 692 pounds of hair products while the Jet went off into the sunset in search of The Fellowship of the Ring actors.
**meanwhile, back on land, the crazy Orlando Bloom fans got word that he was missing and went crazy, fortunately about ½ of them got knocked unconscious with cans of hair products which fell on them. But the Teen Girl Squad had less than 2 days to find the cast of the fellowship before the lunatic OB fans got a hold of them. DUN DUH DAAAAAAAAA
Written by emily
On to you heather!!!!
_________Chapter 4
After they had successfully circled the globe and landed in the mountain Susanne came to the realization of something
" So, uh, now that we've tested out the jet... maybe we should have pre-planned where we were headed..."
After hours of the clock hands turning faster than they should normally to show a lot of time has passed they came to a conclusion to track down Peter Jackson who was vacationing somewhere in Alaska.
When they had arrived it was difficult to get to him as he was swarmed with the media trying to get his views on the situation.
Susanne thankfully having connections called up the aliens and insisted on immediate abduction. They however, weren't willing unless there was reasonable compensation.
Alison sneakily promised them Gollum as the aliens were convinced that he was in fact a living organism.
Following the abduction a quick trade was made. As a pug with snakes attached to its legs and tail was cleverly posing as gollum that emily had mastered using P. V. A. glue.
Peter, who wasn't too keen on the idea of saving them, tortured teen girl squad with the deadliest of all punishments- the silent treatment.
So, they continued on believing that they would be able to come up with some idea of how to get Peter to talk. But first thing was first, they had to save Orlando Bloom as there was only about 1 day remaining before all hell would break loose.
And at the rate they were going, with Susanne making frequent Tim Hortons stops they woulnt even get past Canada as Heather had a vague idea of where Orlando might be hidden as she has a lower Lord of the Rings factor than all of them.
Susanne....proceed with chapter 5
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Chapter 5 – The Fifth Chapter – By: Susanne
The super-powered jet broke a wild path through the clouds, buffeting aside birds with discourteous apathy that sent them spiralling towards the ground in a mix of bitter resentment and awed confusion, while it cannot be said that there was not a touch of appreciation for a jet of such extravagance.
Heather walked into the control room and stopped dead in the doorway. But not really dead, or else this would be a very short story and it would end badly. I’m just trying to explain how suddenly she stopped walking and how every thought in her head (“I’m walking into a control room.”) was quickly put on hold. Susanne was at the wheel, turning it back and forth quickly and screaming like a racecar. She was also wearing really wicked shades, and a cape. Just so you know that.
“I told you NOT to touch that!!! We went over this!! There is a WALL!” Heather pushed Susanne back from the main controls and waved her arms in front of her to remind Susanne of the invisible wall.
“BUT-”
“A WALL!”
Susanne scowled and went back to the notebook she had been scribbling in before and Heather knew they would have to have a talk later; but for now she needed to pull the jet out of a stall and continue their path to Niagra Falls where she supposed Orlando Bloom must be.
Alison entered the control room followed by Emily. Since they didn’t have mysterious books to scribble in, or a mouthwateringly forbidden wheel to turn, they resigned themselves to sighing discontentedly in the only non-dance club room by themselves. Now they were bored with that too and decided to wait by the door for the most nonchalant moment to casually saunter in. Heather, slightly impressed by Emily’s saunter but determined not to show it, indicated just as blasé that they were about to crash into a waterfall.
“HOLY CRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP!!!” screamed everyone with in a mile of the jet (except for this one guy who said, “Oh my gooood- I mean, HOLY CRAAAP!”), but luckily it landed in some random place beside the water and the tourists decided to ignore it completely. Unfortunately Emily had once again broken her butt, but this was a regular occurrence for the Backstreet Boys, who so often were greeted by their loving fans with a swift kick, and the jet was fully equipped with a team of rectal surgeons. The Teen Girl Squad leap from the jet and posed for a quick Kodak moment before setting Ali’s LOTR sensitive nose loose on the scene. Alison crouched low to the ground and led them on a twisted trail through groups of tourists and tourist’s wallets until finally they broke through a large crowd that had gathered around an exciting spectacle.
Orlando Bloom, dressed in old-fashioned pilot’s goggles, and… clothes was standing near the water trying to look like the ecstatic fans and flashing cameras were something he didn’t expect at all. Beside him a plain brown barrel sat ready to be jumped into, and the girls could guess exactly what Orlando was planning to do. They tackled him to the ground, except for Susanne who was playing in the barrel, and explained their situation but it appeared that this was all news to Orlando.
“You mean the guys got kidnapped and I didn’t?? What- I- …THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS!!! They always get to do stuff and I never get invited. Just because I worked my own jacket into the costume instead of carrying around a sword it’s always, ‘Ooooo, Orlando, you look faaabulous.’ and I mean, sure I made a lot of money and got to wear my jacket and stuff but I never have any fun!” he pouted. Suddenly a new thought occurred to him. “Hey, nice butt.” He said to Emily, “that band aid makes you look like Nelly.”
“Thanks.” Replied Emily and reflected on the fact that Nelly resembled a butt in many other ways as well, but said nothing. Perhaps he was a personal friend of Orlando’s.
Orlando decided to come with them on their adventure to save the rest of the actors. They didn’t actually want him to because he was such a whiner and kept telling them about stuff he didn’t get to do with “the gang” and they felt sorry for him. Alison told him he could be an honourary teen girl. Orlando thought this was a good idea. He tied his jacket around his neck like a cape and spent a lot of time making racecar noises in the control room with Susanne who only tolerated his presence because he kind of smelled like peanut butter. Heather let Alison have the wheel and they soared into the sky to save a more significant actor from The Lord of The Rings.
Okay, go to it ALI!!
posted by Susanne at 7:04 PM
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