16.5 On the Road Again, Like a Dead Squirrel

By: Emily
After a couple of more hours in the sewers the Teen Girls decided to lead the entire group of teens back to the cave. Half of them ran straight for the showers, however (alarmingly) the other half seemed perfectly content without bathing after a day spent in the sewers. Most of them were from North of Seven anyway, so that sort of behaviour was expected.
The Teen Girls noticed something odd though. Someone had been in the caves while they had all been out....
....there was something that was out of place...
The girls were wondering if there may be boobie traps all over the place when Heather realized what was out of place.
"It’s the Sonic Jet 2000!! And it’s all PIMPED OUT!!!! YEAH!!"
Indeed their beloved Sonic Jet had benefited greatly from being on Pimp my Ride. It had taken a little longer than usual, because it was quite a bit larger than your average K Car, however it had been worth it. It was a feisty shade of blue and the wings all had those little ribbons that you always see on fans hanging off of them so that it would look wicked when they were driving it. On closer inspection the ship was not all solid blue, in-fact it was several shades of blue, actually, it was one of those Magic Eye things where you looked at it from really close up and it was just a blur and then when you slowly backed up without focussing your eyes a picture pops out. Very cool. Do you wonder what the image that you see is? Well, for your information I am very tired and have an accounting test tomorrow and I should be studying for it, but instead I’m doing this and I have NOOOO imagination left, so I am leaving that up to someone else, I don’t care who, as long as it is not me. So anyway, the girls all ran up and then slowly backed away and were AMAZED at what they saw (hehe, if it’s not going to be me I am going to make it tricky for the person who does have to think of it)
So anyway the girls suddenly decided that they were going to take to the road/air again. They called all of the youth back and piled them all in an took off, with Heather at the wheel anything could and probably would happen. So with that, on to you Heather.

Chapter 16. The Auditor

by: Emily
So here is the situation thus far:

The Youth of Campbellford have been living out the nightmare that they have feared since the start of their days. The Old people had taken over the town. The elders always were the majority, but they were too feeble and weak to do anything about it. I mean, sure they had pretty much controlled all of the events that went on in the town and made all of the big decisions, but really they weren’t that much of a problem. We mostly kept them locked up in nursing homes and occupied them with macrame and jello. But then they escaped and were currently getting their revenge for years of us putting stairs everywhere possible and making all of the ramps at a 70 degree angle. The youth had been living in the secret cave of the very generous and beloved Teen Girl Squad. The girls had been fighting these antagonists full time for a couple of weeks. Not all of these ended in victory, in fact more often than not the girls had gotten their butts kicked by these 85 year olds. With no other options left the girls lead their crew of youth into the sewers where no geriatric in their right mind would go, mostly because they didn’t know there was a sewer-most of them didn’t see where their bedpans were emptied.
So there they all were in the sewer. The four members of the Teen Girl Squad were up in front. Ali and Heather were having an intense argument over the best way to have chocolate: 1) let it melt slowly OR 2) Just eat it. To this day we still do not know the answer. Susanne was also in the argument, although she thought it was about the best way to wear your cape and was giving a strong argument for fur-trimmed. This left Emily to lead the pack. This meant that they were lost within about two minutes.
"Hey, uh, guys, I eerm, I think we are lost"
"but I can never wait for it to melt...It takes too long. Wait, we’re LOST?!?!"
"I totally love that show"
"Shut up, Ali, this is serious!"
So the Teen Girls tried to sort themselves out and over the next three hours led the group of youth around the underground of Campbellford. They were indeed lost. Suddenly they heard a sound from around the next corner...it sounded exactly like you would expect an axe murderer who dwells in sewers to sound-but only if you expected to hear one of those, which the Teen Girls were, so I guess they were a bit frightened. Time went by soo slowly as they waited, shaking in their hip waders (they didn’t want to risk getting any sewer junk on themselves). Each minute seemed to take at least sixty seconds. The Girls finally plucked up some courage and went towards the sound all ready to bust out their best ninja moves. All of a sudden a well dressed middle aged man came around said corner. He looked pretty harmless but just for good measure Heather kicked him in the left elbow. This was her killer move, but this guy didn’t even flinch-there was something Powerful about him. He quickly flashed them his badge and explained himself
"Hello, Teen Girl Squad. Composed of Whatsherface, So & So, Cheerleader and The Ugly One, correct?"
"Yes"
"Good, I am here for your Super-hero audit"
"oooh" they all said at once, in perfect unison
"I’m from the Council of Auditors for the Peoples with Exceptional Powers"
Susanne looked like she was about to explode with happiness "CAPES? that is AWESOME!!"
"No, C-A-P-E-S"
Susanne looked like she was going to argue this point, but Ali, who had a feeling that this wasn’t going to be a good visit from the people at CAPES decided that it was best to start the brown nosing now, so she cut in quickly "Is there a problem, Sir, beacuase if there is we’ll do anything we can to fix it"
For a second they all thought that Ali’s legendary suck-up skills were going to win him over, but sadly after a moment he got back to their audit.
"We have been getting some complaints about your Super-hero abilities. We have reason to believe that you are not completing your current mission. Is it true that there are still Antagonists running the town??"
The Teen Girls we suddenly shifting around like pigeons and muttering pitiful excuses.
Although the man was a member of CAPES he still had some sympathy. "Well it can’t be that bad, we just have to keep a close eye on you for a while and make sure you successfully finish this mission and thats about it, No big deal"
The girls were still a bit shifty and were avoiding The Auditors gaze
"I mean, you guys can handle it, right?" he question, with a bit of panic coming into his voice
The girls did not reply, they had suddenly noticed something. Although they had aliases and everything did they actually have any superpowers? When they fought any battles against ‘The Enemy’ it was mostly just them making cool sound effects and doing fancy kicks a lot. Even though they were super-heros, they actually didn’t have any superpowers!!!! Not one of them had superstrength or could fly or become invisible or transform into stuff. Ali could sometimes shatter glass if she got talking really quickly and in her squeaky voice and Susanne and Emily could eat their way out of a huge block of chocolate if they were ever put into that situation (please, oh please!!) but that was about it, and those were not really superpowers.
The Auditor was getting more and more worried at the lack of response. "You guys do have your Ph D in the art of ‘aiding your strengths and hiding your weaknesses’? ‘How to make the most of the telephone booth space’? ‘Saving the cat from the tree and why it may be a trap’? ‘Why wearing the leotard may not be the best way to go’? And ‘What to do when the enemy is your evil twin brother (78.5% of the time, 79.3% in the USA)’? DON’T YOU??" By the sound of his voice the Auditor was very panicked, after all, he had just thought that it was going to be another normal day, but if these girls had become superheros without the required requirements then that must mean that there was a glitch in the system. There was never a glitch in the system. He believed in the system, he had trusted it!!! And now it had failed him. He felt lost. He needed to go home and take a nice long bubble bath and then everything would be OK. But how could these girls have gotten past CAPES without having taken the proper corses? He was going to have to take them in, and they would be punished for this.
"Ok, I’m going to have to take you in for not honing your superpowers properly , I’ll be needing your capes" he said
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" the girls cried "NOT THE CAPES, FOR THE LOVE OF PANTYHOSE, NOT THE CAPES!!!"
"Actually we don’t even have superpowers" Emily cut in. She knew they would get in big trouble for this, but it was weighing on her conscience and after the brief seconds that she knew she was a fraud super-hero she JUST COULDN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!
Everyone in the sewers turned to her. Heather, Ali and Susanne were ready to slap her and the youth were all speechless (for once).
The Auditor, in that instant, fainted. It was just way too much for him to take.
The girls decided that it was best to just leave him there.
Their little wake up call earlier seemed to pass and soon the Teen Girls were back to their usual, egotistical, self-centred selves. In order to boost their confidence a bit more and partly because they liked showing off they did a few karate kicks, air punches and twirls. So they were basically past that little epiphany. Most of the teenagers watching the audit fiasco had ADD, so it all passed over. All of the girls tied their capes on a little tighter and marched on!

Chapter 15 - Move In

The girls were pretty much set to go. They had put off actually advancing the plot for some time by adding yet another stereotype to their army against the elderly, but it was now time to release their inner gremlin and take action!

Back at the cave they sat and waited for each gang to show. Esther had actually never left but was safely contained in a sound proof box, happily chatting with some stuffed dolls that resembled the teen girl squad. The strange thing is that the girls didn’t even remember making dolls for her to talk to, and were suspicious that Esther may have done that herself. It was really weird.
There was much to be done while they waited for nap time to end. Heather’s IQ was slowly starting to trickle back after her run in with the prostitots. The girls had put her in a circle room and told her to sit in the corner. This is the only known cure for talking to prostitots.
Susanne brushed her hair and watched the windows. At least they were pretty sure she was looking out the window, apparently you can never quite tell. Ali was restocking the chocolate supply, and Emily was adding the latest new gadgets and accessories to the Iron Butt. She talked enthusiastically to Susanne about the clever uses for each new gadget, and Susanne nodded quietly as she continued to brush her hair and stare in the general direction of the window.

It was time.

Five minutes later it was still time, and no one had shown. Eventually the Wiggers pulled into the cave and with a “yo wassup?” they explained that their giant clock bling necklace was actually just for show. Next came the Geeks who forgot to calculate wind resistance into their plan to arrive on time. The Freaks wandered in just a little too cool for this, and the Prostitots because more people had come than not and they couldn’t resist the PEER PRESSURE! The Stoners called three minutes later, asking if they delivered.

Once everyone had gathered in the cave, along with the general “youngins” of Campbellford that were really none of these stereotypes. All they needed was a plan. Sadly, no one had come up with one yet. Evan was playing a good mix of tunes, which helped everything to think. Only one question remained. Had the elderly population in your town grown so out of hand, with the power of every stereotype known to man, how would you go about saving the world from the stench of lilac and canned vegetables?

Someone randomly screamed from the back that they should steal the world’s supply of pizza, and fill the streets with grease and tar from their mysterious vat of DOOM. We’ll call that one plan B. Thanks Miranda.

But as for plan A, there was much to be done. Eventually the group decided to head for the sewers, with Ali, Emily, Heather and Susanne in the lead; someone was bound to think of something, and sometimes walking helps you think.

Relying solely on their excellent skills, the girls led each group underground to meet their destiny.