Chapter 14 and 15

Chapter 14

Africa is a really big continent. So the true question was, where in Africa should Teen Girl Squad + a whole lot of people, go? I think the answers were in the cards. Unfortunately the cards were on the jet so there was no really no point in trying to find the cards, but the cards that were on the jet said Front Bum. Which didn't make sense at all, but seeing as Alison had bought them at a joke shop, no body really expected it to actually make sense. In reality, the cards actually said, Egypt. Kairo, Egypt to be exact. The only reason that it is exact, is because if it isn't exact then it leaves room for failure, and that is just not right. Anyways Egypt it was. Unfortunately big giant peaches, don't move at a particularily fast pace, and unfortunately particularily could not actually be spelt appropriately but I guess that it was you get when you try to sound smart by writing down big confusing words. Anyways, some how Heather knew that in Ancient Egypt that Teen Girl Squad would find the forgotten member of the fellowship, because the rest of the girls forgot to include this member at all in the last few chapters. It was kind of like he didn't exist which was really mean and some of the girls should feel ashamed when they are reading this because they did forget to mention this fellowship member and that is not right. I mean there is always that element of surprise, but still personally I think that this fellowship member is pretty dam important so just to forget him like that is just mean and cruel and basically not nice.
But anyways Heather was sure that they would find one of the members of the fellowship in Ancient Egypt, even if it did mean travelling back in time. So the group went back to Campbellford because the telephone booth by the SHELL or ESSO station, was in fact a time machine, just like in Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, which Langy Lando thought was pretty neat.
So the big group of people squeezed their way into the phone booth, and this was a tight squeeze. Not only did they have to include some of the birds into the phone booth, Susanne insisted they take the peach with them as well, just in case, she had stated.
So away they went to Ancient Egypt, which was pretty cool. Mostly because stuff was really really old and mummy's weren't mummy's yet and stuff like that. The group split up into groups of two's to search for any member of the fellowship, but unfortunately they could not find anyone. The girls soon realized that they might not be able to find every one in every country that they went to. This would make the mission at lot more difficult and the story much more longer. But who are we kidding? I am just getting started here.
So the girls and friends decided to tour around Ancient Egypt for a while. They went to see the future sight of the pyramids, and they got an autograph from Alexander the Great, because they wanted Colin Farell to see it, mostly because they wanted to show him, how awesome Alexander the Great looked with blonde hair and how incredibly stupid Colin Farell looked with blonde hair. Unfortunately the trip was cut short when some very creepy looking guards wanted to use mummification to preserve Emily's butt for several hundred years. So as soon as that conversation was brought to a halt, the group sprinted for the time machine as fast as they could. They made it, just in time. The gaurds were grabbing toilet paper and glue.
The time machine landed in L.A, in 2004 which was regular time. In case you did not know that already. Suddenly Emily got a whiff of some very mesmorizing calone. Heather and Susanne were also attracted by this lovely calone. Alison just fell asleep from it. Lando realized that he had a hair out of place and ran away screaming like a little girl. The rest of the group ate the peach.
Emily continued to follow the scent until it brought her to the outside of a movie studio. She stumbled in to find Billy Boyd sitting on the ground, putting on calone and sniffling softly.
"Mr.Boyd" Emily said dazily "What's wrong?"
"I know what you did" said Billy angrily.
"What? What did I do?" asked Emily
"It wasn't just you, it was all of you. Even the fellowship" he replied.
"What did we all do, Ol' Bill?" asked Susanne who grinned at the thought of the nickname that she had just created.
"YOU FORGOT ABOUT ME!" he yelled, quite understandly at that.
"Oh yes, I forgot about that" said Heather quietly.
"Yes thats right. I was just going through the last couple chapters, and you did not even mention me once. I mean whats up with that? Sure you know what I may not be as famous as Viggo or Orlando, or I may not be someones part time love or full time interst like Dominic or Orlando or Alexandre, I mean what is Alexandre doing here anyways? He's not even part of the fellowship. And for another thing Susanne, I think that you hinted at the whole Orlando/Susanne realtionship thing. So don't go blaming other people. You know that deep down you really do love Orlando Bloom, even if he is a bit girly and mousey like. He's still a great guy. Although he does smell like peanut butter. But anyways how could you forget me? I even came to Trent one time, just to show my love for Canadians, and you STILL forget about me. So if you think that you have come to rescue me then you are dead wrong." Billy got up to leave, but then he tripped on some random rope and fell down a hole.
"Can I get a little help?" Billy called from the bottom of the hole.
"Well I don't know you were pretty mean to us right then" replied Emily who was still a little cross.
"Fine. I'll eat my way out" said Billy determinedly.
And thats exactly what he did. Billy ate his way out of the hole. He finally agreed to come on board of the big giant peach and help the group find the other lost fellowship members, the Man of the East and especially the BFR, but he had to go to the washroom. And that's where he stayed for a good 6 hours.
Go to it Emily

chapter 15

Ok, so, the situation thus far is this: The Teen Girl Squad had rescued all of the kidnapped Fellowship members, plus the BFR. Then the Man from the East showed up and recaptured John Rhys Davies, Ian McKellen and the BFR. She also took the Teen Girl Squad ship.
The Teen Girl Squad and the cast of the Fellowship were travelling quite slowly on the giant peach towards the general direction of Australia. Heather was desperately trying to talk to Sean Bean
"NO!! We need to go towards Japan, thats were they were headed before they were captured!!!" she said in exasperation.
"THIS PEACH IS VERY HARD TO STEER!!" snapped Sean B. This statement appeared to be true and the TGS watched as Sean threw small bits of bread into the air in the direction of Japan and the birds carrying the peach would fly over there. It made for a bumpy ride and Susanne wished that she could have her ship back, but all she could do was moodily write in her cherished notebook.
Alison was quite excited that Billy Boyd was on the peach and kept poking him. Billy was still a bit embarrassed about earlier. It had been said that once he got on the peach we went to the washroom and stayed there for 6 hours. After a gruelling tournament of Rock Paper Scissors it was decided that it would be Emily’s unfortunate job to go and tell Billy that peaches did not have bathrooms on them. He was still very ashamed about this and everyone made a point to avoid one side of the peach.
After filling up the pages of her notebook Susanne had what she claims was an epiphany.
"Hey guys!!"she shouted excitedly "I just had an epiphany!!!"
"What was it?" they all asked
"Well, Why don’t we go back in time to rescue John, Ian and the BRF!! We can go back and wait for them to start racing each other to Japan and then stop them and put them back on the ship, since that will be before the Man of the East stole it!!!" she said excitedly "So we prevent her from kidnapping them in the first place! We just need to go to the phone booth in C-Ford by the gas station which actually a time machine!"
Everyone on the peach seemed to like this idea and Sean B changed directions from Japan to Canada. They had to stop 5 times to get more bread before they actually got there, but eventually they were all crammed into the phone booth and were soon back in Thailand approximately 2 years before they were going to arrive.
"Oh man, this sucks!!"cried Susanne who was very impatient.
"Hey, it’s ok" said Emily "all we have to do is wait around for a little longer than expected..no problem" She started to giggle nervously and then preoccupied herself by protecting her butt from the many dangers out there. Her butt could only be injured so many times before it would have to be hooked up to the dreaded Iron Butt. The only thing holding it together now was a few well placed staples.
So the Teen Girl Squad and most of the Cast of the Fellowship and Alexandre Despatie and possibly some other people I just can’t remember waited there for their ship to land so that they could capture John, Ian and the BFR before the Man of the East.
Finally the ship landed and they saw themselves get off and organize into groups. They watched as John, Ian and the BFR started to race each other to see who could get to Japan first. They never did find out because the Teen Girls Captured them and took them to safety on the ship and locked them in the hair products closet.
Then they went back into the phone booth and returned to normal time.
Everyone climbed onto the peach again and they all started towards Thailand. It was a long peach ride, but it was worth it because when they got to Thailand their ship was there waiting for them and Ian, John and the BFR were all angrily banging on the door of the closet.
So the Fellowship was all rescued but the dilemma of the Man of the East still hung in the air like the flies hovering around Viggo. The girls still had to find her and get this story finished!!!

10 to 13

Chapter 10 - Alison
"Isn't Norway beautiful this time of the year?" said Ian
"Yeah totally, except that I have never been, but hey thanks for pointing out that I have never been outside of Ontario. I thought that the British were polite?" said Susanne sternly as she pulled pins out of the atlas, and stuck them to the know penut butter covered fort.
"Sorry Susanne....he didn't realize. Is there any way that I can make it up to you?" asked Orlando Bloom "You know I am British and I did see a full tub of penut butter hiding in a corner somewhere..."
Everyone knew that Susanne could not deny the call of the penut butter, so off she went with Orlando trailing behind her. Heather took over steering for a while, while Emily and Alison, searched for the disgruntled noise that they heard from outside the jet.
"Alison...have you ever seen that Twilight Zone, where the gremlin is on the side of the plane trying to make it crash?" asked Emily
"No, but I did see a Simpson's episode like that...but it was a bus and not a plane.." replied Alison, laughing hysterically after rememebering the episode.
"Same diff...but doesn't that disgruntled noise remind you of that episode?" asked Emily suspisiously.
Alison grabbed hold of Emily and looked her straight in the eye and said "It's a cartoon it can't come true....that why they are cart-"
But unfortunately the BFR finally pried open the jet door. Wind blew everywhere and John Rhys Davis was almost sucked outside of the jet, but luckily he grabbed the emergency lach just in time and Heather quickly landed the plane.
"I am so sooory. My noodle hut stuck in yur gagen. Pleeze, let me make you up, with Vodka..." said the Russian.
"Well I heard vodka, that's all i need!" yelled Heather. Emily slapped Heather's hand and spoke slowly and loudly to the Russian.
" YOU....BROKE....OUR...JET" she yelled.
Alison whispered to Emily "He's Russian, not deaf"
"Whatever....where are we anyways?" said Emily giving up on the Russian who was know drinking with Heather.
"Argentina" said Ian smuggly yet not smuggly because he is a nice Brit not one of those nasty pish posh want to kick them in the knickers Brit.
"Wow, let's look around here a while" said Emily.
"Maybe you should stay here, with the two drunks and the penut butter addicts. Ian and John can help" said Ali
"Are you sure you should go alone?" asked Susanne.
"Okay Susanne wipe your face and then you can come with me" replied Alison.
So while the others sobered Heather up, fixed the plane and helped Orlando deal with Susannes sudden absence, the two girls walked away through the streets of Argentina to find the next cast member of Lord of the Rings.
"Maybe we should split up..." suggested Susanne. "i'll meet you back here in an hour"
So Susanne went one way and ALison went down the other way. As Susanne walked around she noticed an Antique store, with a Trooper flag inside. She ran in the store. She was so distracted by the flag that she ran face first into none other than Dominic Monaghan. He recognized the costume straight away and knew that it was Teen Girl Squad coming to save him.
"Thank you soo much....I was really scared for a while, but you-" but he was quickly interupted.
"Listen Dom" Susanne began to explain " I can't find you. My friend Alison has to find. You are all she talks about. She's obsessed. Not in the pshyco way but in the flattering way. And I don't think that she would ever get over it if she didn't find you. So I need you to do me a favour. You need to turn that corner, sneak behind her, run out of an alley and be so grateful that SHE found you not me. And the fact that I actually found you will be our little secret. Besides your her love interest. I already have mine..." she finished by going into a day dream about Orlando eating penut butter and smearing it all over her face.
Dominic was kind of weirded out by this odd moment, so he scampered away to find Alison. He ran around the corner just as Susanne said and saw Ali walking around checking every dumpster and recycling box and alley for a Lord of the Rings member. Dom knew what he had to do. He jumped into a dumpster and started calling for help. Alison who actually could not hear because she was listenting to Emily's new copy of the Relient K c. d did not hear this racket. So Dom jumped out of the dumpster and ran into an alley, yelling and screaming for help. Unfortunately, EMily had also put the skittles song on the c.d so Ali turned the music up really loud and started rocking out in the middle of the alley screaming "I LOVE SKITTLES" at the top of her lungs.
Dom ran over to Ali, took off her head phones, turned her around, looked her straight in the eye and said "But I thought you loved me?"
This was too much for Ali. This was the most magical moment in history for her. Well the perfect moment to her was to actually have her find Dom then to have there would be a huge rainbow over top of them that started to rain skittles. Just then a huge rainbow formed over the two of them and started raining...thats right you guessed it...crickets. Dom and Ali ran for the jet as fast as they could, seeing that Susanne was already on the ship and was showing her new trooper flag to Orlando.
"Ali, you found Dom" said Heather
"Oh right, I guess I did" said Alison who started to poke Dom to make sure that he was real. When she realized that he was, she fainted.
And yet again the girls started up the newly repaird jet, which now used a giant "Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy" book for the door, the girls, Ian McKellen, Orlando Bloom, BFR and Dominic Monaghan set out, this time to Spain, which was the closest one to where the pin had landed. Well in reality it was either Spain or the Bermuda Triangle. But they didn't want to take their chances, so they were wimps and chose Spain.
Go for it Em....

Chapter 11!! Yay - Emily
The Teen Girls, John Ryes Davies, Ian Mckellen, Orlando Bloom, The BFR and Domonic Monaghan were all gathered in the ship.
Orlando Bloom and Domonic Monaghan were catching up with each other
"So, what have you been doing?"
"Well, I just finished filming Lost, a very popular television show."
"Is that all?"
"Eeer, ya"
"Oh, ya, I have kind of taken it easy as well,*smugly* I have just starred in over 3 major movies, so ya "
At this time in the conversation Domonic decided to go and talk to Heather.
"Hi Dom, hey! Your tall!!!" said heather
"Ya, I’m not an actual hobbit you know."Domonic replied
"How did you be so short?!?" asked heather in true teen girl fashion
Domonic was just about to answer when Emily, who knows everything about Lord of the Rings, came sprinting over to give heather a full 3 hour lecture on the special effects used in all three movies to make the actors who played hobbits look the appropriate height. Luckily Heather managed to escape after the first hour and 25 min, although by doing this she actually missed out on a lot of fascinating information that and I am sure she would have enjoyed.
Across the room John Ryes Davies and the BFR were having an in depth comversation
"So, you just wake up, and it’s like that?!?!" asked John in amazement
"Da" answered the Big Furry Russian
"No prosthetics or anything?!!!??"
"No."
"But all of that hair and stuff!!! in order to get that look I had to spend over 6 hours in the makeup chair!!!!! AMAZING!" At this John started to poke the BFR and look for hair attachments. After a few minutes he had some suggestions which he thought would be very helpful
"Have you every considered braiding your beard? It works very well, I still have some dwarven beads you could put on them!"
At this the BFR decided that he would drink some more vodka.
Shortly the ship landed in Spain where the Girls ventured out to find the other members of the Fellowship. Orlando wanted to come, but Susanne convinced him that they needed him to take care of the others, but the rest of the Girls knew that susanne was secretly growing quite tired with Orlando, who spent more time on his hair each morning than all of the girls put together.
The girls walked around for a while and soon grew quite hopeless and were just about to leave when all of a sudden Heather excitedly called to the other Teen Girls to come over here, because I found another one!!
The girls all came running over to see Christopher Lee struggling up out of a hole which he had been hidden in before Heather found him
"OH THANK GOODNESS!!! I am so thankful that you girls found me!! It has been terrible!" Christopher Lee said as he struggled up.
Heather was busy doing a victory dance in the background. For anyone who listened they would have heard her humming a little Justin Timberlake music to herself to dance to. But Emily and Ali knew that something was wrong
"HEY! Your not in the Fellowship!!" they yelled
"Yes, but I have been kidnapped as well, I guess since I was also an actor in the movie they just got mixed up, I think they took me instead of Orlando." Christopher explained
"What do you think your doing?!?, your not in the Fellowship!!! we are not rescuing you!!" Emily and Ali shouted
"I know...but...misunderstanding...GAHHH" began Christopher, but he didn’t get to finnish because Susanne came after him with a big stick and began to poke him back down the hole
"HEY!! OUCH!! But NOOOO. I can help you!!.....AUGG....I know who the kidnapper is!!! GAH-I know where the rest of them are hidden!!! PLEASE!! I CAN HELLLLLLLLP" he shouted to them
"WELL WE DIDN"T ASK YOU, DID WE?" shouted susanne back.
Once they got Christopher down the hole again and finally got heather to stop doing her victory dance they set off again.
After quite a few hours of wandering around Spain the girls walked around a corner and saw Sean Astin and Elijah Wood walking up a huge mountain. They appeared to be heading for the restaurant at the top of it. The strange thing was that Sean Astin, who appeared to be very sick and weak, was carrying Elijah Wood up the mountain. Elijah appeared to be in much better condition, with the exception of his lips, which were very chapped.
Emily rushed over to give Elijah some lip gloss and to convince him that they have come to save them. Sean was very relieved at the news and abruptly collapsed on the ground. Elijah refused to come with the girls until he had gotten some food from the resaurant. Finnaly the girls decided to take turns carrying him up the rest of the way and were about to start when Sean got up and insisted that he could do it all.
So the teen girls waited until Sean struggled up the mountain with Elijah on his back. About 13 hours later they all got on the ship. Elijah gave everyone else on the ship some of his food he got from the resaurant. They all thanked him and basically considered him a hero for it while Sean stood in the background.
With two more members of the fellowship saved the girls decided where to go next.............. .......................................THAILAND!!
go to it heather!!

Chapter 12 - Heather
Once arriving in Thailand Emily decided that it would be a good idea for all of them to seperate into groups, therefore to cover more ground as for the first time they were unsure of where to find either Sean Bean or Viggo Mortison. However, the random country choice had worked so far as a character had been in every country that they had searched thus far.
Emily, who had been complaining constantly about butt spasm's planned to stay back and keep things in order and also to rest it as she feared it may have been a minor fracture from over-exurting herself in her new passion-thai chii, which she had recently taken up in order to impress the locals.
Dominic, Alison and Orlando set off together east bound; Heather, Sean and Elijah westbound; Susanne, John, BFR and Ian headed south.
Alison, who wasn't much use didn't know where to look or who to pursue simply took on massive giggling fits on and off, so their progress was minimal.
Heather, also having very little luck didn't manage to move very fast either as Elijah had been having foot problems disabling from him to walk independently.
"Are you sure you don't want to go back Mr.Wood?"
To save his ego he would say "No, of course not" every time the question was asked.
Susanne, who had decided to make her own group had gone off on her own losing track of the rest of her group who had decided that they would rather have a foot race and see who could get to Japan the fastest.
Finally, after endless hours of searching 2 of the three groups and Susanne headed back.
Meanwhile, Emily had been searching for the best nailpolish to emphasize her butt; Although she hadn't really decided whom she liked the most-she decided to go with the first that noticed.
When the groups had all met up again and were nearing the ship a lightning bolt pelted the ground infront of them lighting a perfect circle of fire around them.
Susanne saw it first, a horrible, grotesque beast- she wasn't sure what it was but it was swooping, diving right at them. The cackle was unmistakable. THE MAN OF THE EAST!!!
Frodo who was separated form them all outside of the ring ducked in cover, shrieking in pain. Just as The Man of the East was closing in on him a shadow flashed infront of them- then a silver flash-one may say of a sword.
It swung the sword to and fro driving her away.
"Oh ya?" She presented in front of them their three separated friends in a ball of fire.
Emily, coming out to see what all of the commotion was ran out of the ship exposing an open door which The Man of the East took advantage of, flinging through and soaring off into the sky, cackling and sending balls of fire hurling at them.
Elijah, who had safely found himself hidden beneath the cloak of the shadowy figure peeped out when the fire had been extinguished and the ship was out of sight.
Everyone brushed themselves off and Emily, who was quite confused pretended also to brush herself off, in order to fit in. She also added in a little cough to add to realism.
"Wow. Nice butt!"
Emily slowly turned to meet the eyes of the speaker...'this is it' she thought to herself.
Meanwhile, everyone else was anticipating the unhooding of this sworded figure;through an abundance of flies and unbearable stence, he unhooded himself revealed as none other than Viggo Mortisen.
END OF CHAPTER

Chapter 13 – Susanne

The Teen Girls were thoroughly confused. Jet stolen, two actors actually kidnapped, and Emily taking her time turning to them in a grand, slow motion, hair flipping circle, they decided to re-cap what had just happened. For one thing, John, Ian, and the BFR had been re-kidnapped by the Evil Man of the East, and still two others (Sean Bean, and- oh no wait, we found Viggo) had not been found at all. Without the jet, and without the atlas, they now had no idea where to go.

“We should start with the secret hideout of the Man of the East!” shouted Alison really, really loud.

“I think we should get a new jet.” Said Susanne and looked off into the distance, most likely thinking about a new jet.

“Heather- I mean, I think we should go back to Canada and get something to eat and- oh ya the jet was stolen…” Heather trailed off.

Emily, with a final toss of her head, looked coyly over her shoulder and into the eyes of this story’s love interest.
“Oh, hello there.” She smiled and batted her eyes. “Why, yes these are new jeans. Oh, you’re too kind. No, you are. No, you are!” She laughed, “You look so familiar. Come here often?” Emily struck what she thought was a thoughtful pose, and waited patiently for a response from her reflection in a car window. The driver on the other side of the tinted window shifted uncomfortably and started to drive away. Emily patiently sidestepped, until the driver floored it and sped off down the street.

“Um, Emily?”

Emily jumped around quite suddenly and came face to face with the real commenter, and there stood the one and only Alexandre Despatie. Her jaw dropped, and hit the ground. Her eyes flashed and spun like a jackpot on a slot machine.

“No, Em, behind this dude.”

Again confused, Emily leaned a bit and looked over Alexandre’s shoulder. Behind him, ‘Lando’ grinned and leered towards her. Seeing his chance, Orlando took a step forward as if running through a flowered meadow. Emily took a step forward, put her hands on his hips, and in one smooth movement, shoved him head first into a garbage can. Alexandre, not actually involved in any of this, was now walking down the street. In quick bursts of broken French, she managed to convince him his diving skills would be very handy in their pursuit of the fellowship. He serait plus qu'heureux de les joindre. No one actually knew what that meant. Or cared. French is weird.

There was still the problem of getting around. Taking Susanne’s advice, everyone checked his or her pockets for another jet, but no one had anything even close. Alison had a better idea, which was to hitchhike. They tried it. Alison stood on the street and finally a small, red Beetle pulled over and said, “Where to?” Alison did the thoughtful pose, and then turned around. The other nine stepped out of the bushes and started calling out destinations.
“Africa!” shouted Heather.
“No, Zimbabwe!” shouted Emily.
“I’ve always wanted to see Uranus!” shouted Susanne who fell over and giggled helplessly.
The Beetle driver screamed and zoomed away.
“Get me out of here!” cried Orlando, but an empty milk carton and a half eaten hot dog muffled his voice, and everyone was pretty sure he said, “Let me stay here.” That problem was solved but they needed a new plan, and since the third time is a charm the next idea was sure to work.

Heather was deep in thought. Possible scenarios flashed through her mind like math equations in that movie A Beautiful Mind. Suddenly she started thinking about how in A Beautiful Mind that smart dude showed the not as smart chick an umbrella in the stars, and suddenly came up with an idea. They would buy a bunch of umbrellas and strap them to a deck chair; then a big wind would come along and blow them somewhere else. It was that, or tie a bunch of seagulls to a giant peach. That was Alison’s idea, but it was not nearly as original. The group made a quick stop at the Umbrellas, String, and Deck Chairs R’ Us and were soon ready to go. Everyone got comfortable on the chair and braced themselves for the wind that was sure to come. Time passed. Eventually Alexandre looked and, and started pointing and screaming random stuff in French. Everyone else looked up to see a giant peach, carried by various birds, floating slowly over head. It was Sean Bean who apparently amuses himself this way quite often. He recognized his friends from Lord of the Rings and commanded the birds to set down beside the umbrella chair.
“Hi there fellas! Going anywhere interesting?”
“Soon enough!” called back Sean Astin who always liked him the most as they have the same name.
“Well why don’t you just come along on my giant peach? I’m going to fly this way to the next place that pops into my head.” Heather whispered Africa so quietly, Sean (or ‘Beany Boy’) assumed he had actually thought it; so off they went to Africa in pursuit of the Teen Girl Squad’s jet.

Ya, sorry that took three days guys. Haha….

Chapters 6 to 9

Chapter 6 - Alison
Suddenly the one that every one thought was actually brain dead came up with a perfect plan. That's right Alison came up with the perfect plan. Emily was shocked. Heather almost peed her pants and Susanne...well she just played in her barrel that she had snuck on board. Anyways back to this ingenious plan. Using mostly hair gel and tooth picks the girls would devise a way to create a comnmunication device that could communicate to the outer reaches of the universe, so teen girl squad could find the cast of lord of the rings.
"Gee Whiz Alison, how long did it take you to make that plan up" said Orlando who was completely unimpressed.
"Well for your information...it took me days"
"Uh...Alison, we've been here for about 2 hours so how could it take you days?" asked Emily
"I'm pshycic" Alison replied.
"Then why didn't you see this whole incident coming?" asked Heather who was in a tiff, because she smelt like urine.
"Just leave me alone!" screamed Alison as she ran into the bathroom.
Susanne who had stopped playing with her barrel long enough to witness the incident she quietly said " I think it's her time of the month..."
"ooohh" crooned the other girls apologetically.
Heather was the first to go to the washroom door. "Alison...what's wrong?"
"If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you!" she yelled back.
"Ok whatever" said Heather completely annoyed and ready to kill. " But if you don't come back out here, I'm gonna let Susanne drive the jet"
"Oh no you didn't!" said Alison as she ran through the washroom door and into the pilots seat.
"I knew I could do it" said Heather proudly.
"Well where are we off to next gang?" said Emily happily.
"I don't know, I mean were not gang and do not use that word again. It's almost as bad as teen girl squad unite. I mean what are you thinking Emily? Get on the ball!" said Susanne.
"What ball" asked Emily.
"you know the ball, ball!"
"WHAT BALL?"
"Okay whatever...if you don't know what ball i am talking about then you are out of the loop. Go off and marry Tomkins"
"EEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW...your dirty Susanne" said the other girls.
"Besides Tomkins is dead. Well his torso is around here somewhere" said heather
"Okay we get it...we don't know where the ball is, alison is pmsing, Orlando Bloom, the hottest guy in the world is picking his nose, and we are in a Backstreet Boy jet, trying to find the cast of Lord of the Rings, so can we please get a move on?" exclaimed heather who was now exhausted.
"Yes" they said in unison.
"Good, now lets go to Russia!"
"Why Russia" asked ALison
"Just shut up and fly the jet" said heather tediously.
So Teen Girl Squad and Orlando Bloom flew to Russia. It took 3 hours. Emily led the sing a longs.
"Alright girls, Emily and Alison, you take Moscow, Heather and I will take St.Petersburg...and Orlando...heres a book, try to read it.susanne said as she handed him an alphabet book.
"WWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEE" excalimed Orlando as he jumped up and down.
So the girls went to search around Russia, becuase they had done absoloutely nothing for the past chapter, so the author thought that she should try to progress the plot a little bit, just to make the others happy and the author kind of did..kind of..well not really, it was actually it was total ramblings of a tired girl that has to play rugby tomorrow and it is know eleven o clock and evan won't stop saying lol and this girls sister wants to use the computer and this is the biggest freaking run on sentence i have ever seen, but anyways the teen girl squad went out to search for the cast members of lord of the rings.
And luckily all of a sudden they saw a big furry beast that looked kind of evil and wanted to eat them...How will the girls get out of this situation? Stay tuned for next time on....TEEN GIRL SQUAD THE SERIES OF EVENTS THAT TOOK PLACE AT SOME PLACE ON A JET AND INVOLVED SOME GUYS NO REALLY IT WAS ALL GUYS THAT THEY WERE TRYING TO SAVE OK WHATEVER IF YOU DON"T BELIEVE ME THATS FINE<>Chapter 7 - Emily
The Teen Girl Squad + Orlando Bloom all screamed for at least a full minute at the Big Furry Beast until they realized that it was not advancing on them anymore. Suddenly quiet they watched in facination, well, three of them did, a certain orlando bloom and susanne had grown tired of the impending doom of the Big Furry Beast and were now comparing their capes. The three girls watched as the Beast pulled a large sausage out of is coat and began chewing on it instead of the girls. The girls, being very pleased with this development decided to confront the Big Furry Beast. As they got within a meter it was to everyone’s amazement that the Big Furry Beast was in fact not a beast, but a Northern Russian! This was enought to make even orlando and susanne pay attention. Heather brutally shoved Emily out in front because heather didn’t know how to speak russian but saw the need to communicate with the Big Furry Russian. Emily also saw this need, but unfortunately only knew a few phrases of russian, none of which would help them in this situation. Against her better judgement she decided to try them anyway.
"Geben Sie mich hinter meine Unterwäsche!" ‘Give me back my underwear!’
The Big Furry Russian looked at Emily, or so she assumed because his face was hidden behind what was most likely his beard and she could not see his eyes. She quickly decided to try another phrase
"Jene Riesenschlange schaut vondervall auf Ihnen an, ist Rosa Ihre Farbe." ‘That boa looks wonderful on you, pink is defiantly your colour’
Even thought this didn’t go over so well Emily decided to try and salvage the conversation and used her last phrase
"Ich habe MIT Ihrem Freund nicht geschlafen!" ‘I did NOT sleep with your boyfriend!’
Even thought that was the extent of her knowledge of the russian language she did still understand body language and decided that this was a good time to run away.
With the other Teen Girls and Orlando following closely behind, Emily led them all screaming back to the jet. Safely back inside they decided to think of some more plans.
Emily and Ali were sitting in the old hair products room trying desperately to think of plans when they decided that they would go and see if Orlando knew anything that could help them out, since he was a member of the fellowship. Upon arrival in the control room they saw Orlando and Susanne in a rare moment of bonding, of coarse over their common interest: peanut butter. Susanne and Orlando were sitting cross legged on the floor under what they imagined was a super cool fort, but was really a fake snake skin tube top, which was left over on the jet from a groupie in the backstreet boys era, stretched over two chairs. Ignoring the ‘No one with an IQ over 21 allowed’ sign Emily and Ali went into the "fort". Orlando and Susanne were eating peanut butter out of the jar when Orlando had an idea. Pulling some lembas bread out of his jacket he began to apply peanut butter onto in.
"You see, Susanne, it’s just like bread!!"
Emily and Ali were wondering how old the lembas bread was, but since they were such suckers for anything Lord of the Rings they did not say anything. Susanne was busy pulling some jam out of her gigantic pants pocket.
"Wait till we add this!! It’s going to be soooo goood!!!!!!!" and then they both started to drool.
So Emily and Ali decided to leave them to their own devices and were just about to leave when they heard some extremely annoying pop/dance music coming from another section of the jet. They ran to the dance club room to see heather in there getting her grove on.
So...heather likes to dance...That was a bit of a surprise. Anyway Emily and Ali just stood in the doorway in shock.
"I guess this is why she has actually been letting you drive they jet. I knew there must have been a reason!" said Emily
"Ya, think we should let her know we are here?" asked Ali.
They both watched heather start doing the worm across the floor.
"Err, perhaps we should just leave..." Emily replied
They backed away slowly and went back to planning in the hair products room. While they were deep in thought Susanne rushed in all excited.
"I KNOW HOW TO FIND JOHN RHYS-DAVIES!!" Susanne shouted "We just have to follow his voice!!"
All of a sudden Emily and Ali understood, John did have a very loud, deep voice, all they had to do was listen for it and then follow it. The Teen Girls gathered in the control room to set out. Susanne and Orlando both had peanut butter all over themselves, Emily and Ali had exceptional hairstyles from all that time in the hair room and Heather was a little breathless from all the secret dancing. Once again the Teen Girl Squad left the safety of their ship and venured out into the busy (not) streets of Russia.
Ok, heather, on to you. (Please forgive me for the dancing to pop music).
Chapter 8 - Heather

So, while Ali, Emily and Susanne had this ingenious idea about following John Rhys-Davies voice, Heather who was getting her groove on had already found him. She had gotten tired from dancing so the good-looking shadowy man whom Heather assumed to be a co-pilot bought her a drink.

"Thanks"

"Sure Arw- beautiful"

Heather eyed him suspiciously but assumed that his relevance in the story was minor. She was also distracted by the familiar appearance of the bartender who muttered in a most recognizable droan. And then it hit her;

"John?"

"Heather?"

"My god bro its been so long. what are you down in a place like this? And you're so thin!"

Heather eyed his slim, clean-cut change in image than when she last saw him.

"It took a lot of lipo, botox, let me tell ya, but ah it pretty much blew my money so now I'm doing what I can to support myself"

"How come I didn't know that you were on this ship? We thought you were kidnapped!"

"Dominic and I were chased for a long time, they ended up being captured. But You know, since my sudden change in lifestyle I can even beat Lando in a foot race"

"Wow! So, you must have some idea as to where the others are... come with me, i'll take you to the rest of the girls"

"Well, I gotta close up first but I'll catch up with you."

Heather wandered back to the controls room only to catch Susanne and Orlando in the midst of the act- him licking the peanut butter off a spoon which she held.

"...I-um..."

"...she..."

"Whatever guys. we'll discuss you later. In the meantime, you'll never guess who I just bumped into!"

Just then Alison and Emily burst into the room.

"Hey you guys, we think we know where to find John!"

"Ya, Emily and I just detected something on the the communication device."

"Well, genious', I already found him and he has a hint of where to find Dominic."

Heather smirked and silently took pride in her good sluthing skillls as to somehow distract the others from her latest bladder control problem.

What will become of Susanne and Lando? Is John the answer to their prayers? Does this shadowy man have a Lord of the Rings factor?

Keep it up Susanne and we'll find out.

Chapter 9 - Susanne

The Teen Girl Squad stepped cautiously from the jet and into the snowy streets of Russia, taking advantage of the time they had stolen without Orlando (or “Langly Lando” as he insisted everyone call him even though everyone was pretty sure ‘langly’ is not a word) by sending him on a secret mission. More specifically, they told him there was a funny noise coming from somewhere in the jet and he was the only one who couldn’t hear it, and he refused to leave the jet until he heard it. Susanne thought this was very langly of him and was glad to finally be doing some real superhero work instead of watching Orlando play Baywatch with his “action figures”. *coughbarbiescough*

The girls moved from the side of the ship and as they were walking away, Emily noticed some large tracks leading to the back of the ship, but didn’t say anything because then there would be no cliffhanger ending for this chapter.
Wrapping themselves with their capes for warmth, the girls followed John Rhys-Davies into the small town he called Home. As Heather pointed out later, it was actually pronounced ‘Homm’. Homm, Russia. But they followed him anyway.

“So where exactly are you taking us? Because except for you, and this other weird thing, I don’t smell anything remotely Lord of the Rings about this place.” Questioned Alison.

“Perhaps the snow has blurred your vis- uh, sense of smell. You know, like snow blindness only with smelling… Right?” he reasoned.

“No, I’m just pretty sure there is nothing Lord of the Rings in Homm, Russia.”

“Well, okay. I didn’t want to do this but since you guys seem so determined to save everybody, I’ll tell you what I know. There is a kidnapped member of the Lord of the Rings, or more, I dunno, maybe, on the other side of this mountain.” He then lifted an arm into the air to dramatically reveal the fact that there was a giant mountain in front of them.”

“THE MISTY MOUNTAINS??” shouted Emily.

“No,” John laughed and looked up at the great mountain covered in a fine layer of mist, “but the similarities are intriguing.” The girls nodded because it was true.
So with that the group of five set out to scale the mountain, but as night settled in, it appeared that they were going nowhere. Snow fell from the sky in langs, wind screamed like a spoiled child in Walmart through their hair and down their backs until John motioned them into a small crack in the mountain that would serve as a shelter for the night.

“This SUCKS!” screamed Susanne who despite everything had remained the most optimistic. “I mean this really, really sucks!” she shouted again pulling two handfuls of snow out of her underwear. She shifted uncomfortably and huddled down in the corner, but something was stabbing her in the back. She shifted again, taking more snow out of her pants, and since that didn’t help she put a few more in. There was still something stabbing her in the back. In a great feat of super-flexibility, Susanne reached her arm back to that impossible to reach spot on her back and grabbed hold of another large white lump; only this time the large white lump turned out to be Ian McKellen who protested being removed from his toasty hiding place.

“Mr McKellen, sir? Why are you hiding on my back?”

“Why didn’t you notice sooner?”

“I barely go there myself.”

“True enough.”

“Will you please leave?”

“No.”

“Oh… Okay…” Susanne shrugged and decided to forget that it ever happened. The gang decided to turn back, because snow sucks so badly.

“But if we turn back, how will we save the Lord of the Rings actors on the other side?” asked Emily.

“We could go through the MINES!” shouted John, but since he wasn’t exactly batting a thousand this far, they listened to Heather instead.

“Why don’t we just get back on our jet, and fly over???!!!!”

The gang decided this was a good idea.

Since the girls had left the jet with no one of importance guarding it, the Big Furry Russian decided to inspect it closely. He had been walking around and around, making no conclusions for quite some time yet his curiosity remained, and perhaps even grew stronger. The BFR took many steps back to admire the jet properly, and it was at this moment the girls, John and Ian coincidently returned. BFR dove into a bush and watched closely as the doors opened and the squad fought their way inside to warm up. The last person went inside and BFR ran to join them but sadly he did not make it inside. As he turned away from miserable defeat he realized that things were much worse than not being inside a jet. Much worse. In fact, his beard was caught in the door, and the jet was ready to take off.
Confused, and afraid, BFR tugged and pounded on the door; no one heard him. He ran along side the jet as it gained speed, until finally he was pulled off his hairy feet, and into the sky. Alison settled into the driver’s seat while Emily, Heather and Susanne played Pin the Tail on the Atlas to see where they would go next.

And that place was Norway.

Rock on Alison!