Chapter 14 : Prostitot-tion

By: Heather

Now that the girls had secured the assistance of the wiggers, freaks & geeks, stoners and Esther - they were feeling fairly confident. They figured that searching for more help was the best idea before making any concrete plans.

The girls reasoned that Heather would be most capable of getting the prostitots on their side since she arguably used to be one. Although she was intially reluctant to ask for help from the prostitots, she was persuaded by the incentive of more gold stars.

She pulled out her Teen Trauma Kit smoothing over a thick layer of foundation, applying fake lashes and potent cherry lip gloss. She then rolled up her skirt and down her socks. Lastly, she replaced her sneakers with tan suede wigger boots- intentionally untied.
Emily opened her mouth to say something, but she was waved off by Heather who was trying to concentrate. She took a deep breath, tipped her head to one side, and in the girliest of voices recited necessary grade 9 lingo:

"Like you know..."
"Oh - my - god!"
"And like, I was like..."

She repeated these lines until satisfied that she sounded convincing enough.

"Be right back-" she said and pranced over to the usual grade 9 hang out, in front of the tan salon on Bridge Street which was conveniently just around the corner.

After all flaunting over to Heather commenting on how great her skirt was, she was able to explain the situation- a few times actually because the first couple of times she just got blank stares followed by comments like " Ok- so, like, um....what?" A lot of the girls seemed to understand but didn't want to show it before their leader understood in fear of being titled a nerd- or worse being asked if she "like, read it in a book or something."

Once the leader understood what Heather was asking, she explained how the seniors had been stealing some of their other locations. She also ranted about how the elders were getting all of the media attention in the local fashion magazines as her group used to the magazine's regulars.

"Like - look at this lastest copy, they like, actually made the cover," she pulled out a cut out picture from her Louie Vuitton handbag.

"Wow," was all Heather could manage to say, she was still trying to put together this new tactic the antagonists had come up with. She thanked them and returned to the other 3/4 of TGS.

"Mission accomplished," she smirked to the girls as she unrolled her skirt. They, however did not pay any attention to her. Emily and Susanne seemed intensely focused on the state of Susanne's nails and Alison was busy scribbling out a Captain Obvious comic.

Quite annoyed at their lack of enthusiasm, Heather stomped away only tripping over, well, nothing really. However, the girls weren't neglegent enough to ignore an incident of embarrassment and rushed over to her.

"Thank goodness you weren't carrying a chocolate bar," Alison sighed in relief, putting out her hand to help Heather up.

"Wait! I think I heard something." She paused, then put her ear to the pavement, "Guys! Listen."

The girls followed her,putting their ears to the pavement; a faint whispering could be heard.

"The sewer!" whispered Emily.

There was no light shining from the sewer but the whispering was definitely louder,although the words were not clear enough to make out.

"We'd better not stay," said Susanne, "someone may see us- do you think anyone can see us?"

They stood up and walked over to the steps to Economy Fair, sitting down.

"We should wait somewhere - hide - until naptime begins. I'm almost certian that's where they took us to the tunnels. It has to be, " Emily reasoned.

"The trees in the park may work, " Alison suggested.

So they strolled across the street under the trees, eagarly waiting as the familiar sound of doors locking echoed and darkness began passing over town.

Chapter 13- The Van...dun dun dun!

TGS travelled around Campbellford on their motorized scooters looking for their next plan of action. Unfortunately their scooters ran out of batteries within 5 minutes of riding them.
“I told you that we should’ve charged the batteries before we left” said Susanne, a little irritated.
“Scooters are a thing of the past. What we need is a smart car!” exclaimed Alison.
“We would never all fit in a smart car, stupid” said Emily.
“Ohh, no you didn’t! Just because you have 5000 gold stars more than me is no need to comment on my low IQ test rating!” screamed Alison.
“Yelling is not going to help the situation!” yelled Heather.
“Well look who’s yelling now!” said Susanne at a rather high pitched tone. It was like WW3. Each member of teen girl squad was screaming at each other. No one knew what to do. Evan heard the disaster but chose to steer clear, because he was sure that Heather was about to go into temper tantrum mode. All the youth that had been following teen girl squad around scattered, not willing to stay for this scene.
“Well maybe if you didn’t eat all of the chocolate, I wouldn’t be yelling so much!” screamed Susanne to Emily.
“Alison, stop stroking your hair! Just because it’s straight is no reason to constantly be playing with it! It’s ANNOYING!” yelled Heather to Alison.
This was absolute havoc. Bridge Street had been deserted. Even all the antagonists had retreated into their homes and hideouts to escape the dreadful scene. Only one yellow and white volks wagon van drove on the streets. This van looked like it needed a new engine and carburetor. Smoke was streaming from it, yet it sounded like it was in perfect condition. The van slowed down and stopped in front of the arguing TGS.
The door of the van slid open and smoke poured out of the van. TGS coughed. Their eyes stung and they smelt some thing odd. They tasted smoke and they couldn’t get it off of them.
“You girls need to mellow out…”said the shaggy hair boy from within the van. “C’mon girls, do ya need a ride?”
“Uh….I don’t know….girls group meeting on the sidewalk” said Emily instructorly.
“We’ll be right back” said Alison gazing into the half dazed eyes of the shaggy haired boy.
“Girls…I don’t think we should. I think I smelt smoke coming from the van!” said Emily, quite worried.
“I agree” said Heather.
“C’mon they look like nice guys” said Alison persuadingly.
“Yeah. They’re just like me. They’re just out of it. That’s it. It’s not the dreaded D word. They just got a lot on their mind. Although…I don’t know….he does seem a little too dazed for my liking” pondered Susanne.
“We’ve got brownies!” called the boy from inside the van. “They’re chocolate!”
“I’m sold!” said Susanne running and leaping into the van without looking back.
“Uh….should we get her back?” asked Emily worried.
“Nah….c’mon let’s recruit them” said Alison.
“Uhh…” said Emily and Heather both hesitant on the ideas.
“Guys….mbghiagbrsh” Susanne mumbled through giant bites of her half eaten brownie. She swallowed her some what chewed brownie. “These chocolate brownies are soooo good! You’ve just got to have one” she smiled. Big chunks of brownie were in-between her teeth.
“Alright…fine….but I am not happy. And I am NOT breathing in!” protested Emily.

***

(20 minutes later)

“Dude….these are portabella mushrooms right? Because like I don’t mean to sound paranoid or anything but like I had this friend and he said that his friend had a mushroom before…and like…I’m sorry…I’m rambling….so these are portabella mushrooms right?” asked Emily looking for reassurance.
“Yep” reasurred the shaggy haired boy.

***

(1 hour later)
“I CAN SEE COLOURS!!!” yelled Emily. “Dude, I am tripping out! Why is that picture wavy. This is insane! I have got to eat more portabella mushrooms! I am freaking out….your so beautiful shaggy hair mysterious guy. You look colourly. Is that even a word? Colourly? Hahahaha, that is hilarious. I just said colourly. Heather did you hear that colourly? Hahahaha. Oh my god! I CAN SEE COLOURS”
“God man….mellow out. You really need to calm down Emiwee. Ha! Emiwee. Write that down. I am going to call you that later on!” said Susanne who was know on her 20th brownie.
“You chicks are really cool” said the shaggy hair mysterious guy.
“Well you are a fox yourself! Haha….because you called us chicks and I called you a fox. And foxes eat chickens. And chickens give birth to chicks. Do you see the connection? Huh? Do ya? Hmmm? Chickens? Foxes? It makes sense!” screamed Heather who laughed in delight after she came to the conclusion that what she said, should’ve made sense. She grabbed another brownie and gobbled it down it one bite.
“Are you sure you gave me one of those Popeye fake cigarettes because I feel funny! And I think I inhaled some smoke! I am soooo paranoid. Haha, did you ever think about that word? Paranoid. It is such a funny word. Can I have another brownie?” asked Alison who definetly didn’t have a Popeye fake cigarette.

Time passed as it always does. And eventually the brownies ran out. They finally got down to business. Seeing as Alison was the one who could put the most sentences together she did the negotiations, because she knew how to talk stoner. That’s right, Susanne knew wigger and Alison had learned stoner from a dictionary website that she found when she typed in the word ‘ bong’ instead of ‘bra’. She blamed it on her random dyslexia.
“Dude man, we need some help…ya know?” Alison started. She paused wondering where to go from there. “I don’t know if I can explain….what happened…but some trippy stuff is going down in town…and me and my friends are all spacin’ because we don’t know what to do…” she stopped midsentence. “I can’t do this…Listen. Old people took over the town and we suspect that there will be a battle, and we are going to need your stoner capabilities, k?”
“Sure, sounds cool, just let me gather the other stoners from across Trent Hills. Look to the West on the 7th morning, you shall see a gathering of smoke and that will be the last march of the stoners…” said the stoner poetically.
“Cool” said Susanne ruining this small moment for the mysterious stoner. “So, who wants some chips?”
“Man, I really want a mars bar, I am soooo hungry” said Emily urgently.
“Your sooo right….but I think I want a sub” replied Heather.
“You guys sooo have the munchies. That is insane….but now that I think of it, I could do with some cookies”
The shaggy haired mysterious boy opened the van door and let TGS out. They had no idea that they had stayed in the same place the whole time! They all stumbled out and the shaggy haired, half dazed mysterious boy drove off into the sunset leaving a trail of smoke behind him.
So teen girl squad halted their mission to find their food. They all stopped at Ali’s house and ate $50 worth of food each, plus massive amounts of Chinese food, that Alison and Susanne picked up, although Susanne avoided the chicken balls, because she felt that chicken shouldn’t be put into balls. They continued this way until it became very late, and as they lay their heads down to sleep, they all dreamed of the shaggy haired, half dazed, mysterious stoner and wondered if they would ever see him again. Alas little did they know, that eventually the antagonists would rebel and thus start the revolution that would change Campbellford forever.