The Teen Girls excused themselves and picked a secluded area to group huddle. In a matter of seconds they decided that Mr. Reeves would be of no help to them at all.

"MR. REEEEEEEVES......" Alison called while spinning deftly out of the huddle, a tidy maneuver that attracted silent nods of admiration from the gang. "Mr. Reeves, we're just going to have to say a big no can... do..."

This is going to be hard to explain.

Alison made eye contact with Big K in order to emphasize the seriousness of her comment. He was looking in her general direction at least and she had decided to settle for that in her mind. Then, just as she was about to drop the bomb on him, Keanu Reeves began to deflate until his empty skin billowed to the floor like a shopping bag. The girls could not explain this phenomenon, but it had some one's evil laughter written all over it. The lights flickered. 

The theatre had meanwhile been lifted from the ground by helicopter and carried to the edge of a cliff. Again, this is hard to explain. 

Days earlier, as Susanne sat in her office that overlooked a great canal, she received a message concerning the lease on that particular space the Kodak Theatre happened to be in. 

"Their lease is up Miss Wilkins."

"Well then have it destroyed. I'm very busy." She leaned from her desk to see what ruckus was in the lobby. Luggage salesmen were being thrown to the dogs and her rugs were being vacuumed by the robots from Daft Punk. "I'm very busy." she said again and decided to eat a jar of peanut butter and pass out under the table. 

Moments before being tossed into the Grand Canyon, Susanne remembered this and they all ejected as quickly as possible. They all kept hover boots on them for just such an occasion. And now where were they? What was the point of all this? What kind of messed up story is this anyway, and where is all of this going? I don't know. I don't know. I'm sorry.

 

Chapter 5: It Ain’t a Real Story if We Can’t Make of Someone

By:Alison

The girls set out to Hollywood where they would get more information about the whereabouts of Bruce Willis.

“Who was on the phone Super Susanne?” inquired Emily.

“He wouldn’t say. He had a very monotonous voice though,” replied Susanne. “You’d figure if someone had a lead to the location of Bruce Willis, they might be a little more enthusiastic!”

The girls nodded in agreement, especially Alison who seemed to have lost control of her head and was nodding uncontrollably and in all directions.

“Help Me!” she whimpered as her head bobbed up and down. After the girls strapped Alison’s head to the side of the ship they continued discussing the monotonous voice on the phone.

“Did he sound familiar?” inquired Heather.

“Oddly enough, he did. I know I know his voice from somewhere…” Susanne said as she drifted into her own thoughts.

“Ghabhmmmm,” mumbled Alison, seeing as Heather thought it would be funny to shove a sock in her mouth, but Heather insisted it was for everyone’s safety. “Ptew…Question: Who is driving the SHIP!!?!!?!?” cried out Alison.

“No worries. It’s on auto-pilot,” declared Emily.

“We have an auto-pilot button?”

“Yes, didn’t anyone know?” asked Emily.

Susanne and Heather shook there head ‘no’ and Alison just looked sad because she couldn’t take part in the head shaking for fear that her head would go ballistics again.

“Oooooh we’re here!” said the GPS system. It had been a gift from the prostitots after TGS had defeated the elderly. Unfortunately, the prostitots had taken it upon themselves to record they’re own voices to replace the GPS woman. And TGS had to admit, the GPS system did make their life easier- but they could do without the squeals and the excited shrieks.

TGS got off the get, or at least they got off, then climbed back on, unstrapped Alison and unloaded the jet again. Alison’s head, was only randomly twitching every few minutes now.

“So where are we supposed to meet Mr. Monotonous?” asked Alison.

“He said at some place called…..er….The Kodak Theatre?” said Susanne.

“Oooooooooooooooooooooooooh!”

“Emily, we don’t need the GPS now!” yelled Heather.

“It wasn’t the GPS,” declared Emily indignantly. They turned around only to see, Alison jumping up and down her head wobbling from side to side and her curly hair flying in every direction. After the 10-minutes of jumping and an extra 5-minutes of enduring the high-pitched excited voice and another 10-minutes of agreeing that “yes, it is possible that Adrian Brody might visit the Kodak Theatre today too” and “I agree, I wish the Oscars were today too” TGS set out for the Kodak Theatre.

***

The walk to the Kodak Theatre should only take 10 minutes from the jet’s landing place. Unfortunately, TGS were a little star-studded and figured they might as well take this opportunity to get a few pictures of themselves in super hero poses and in famous places to decorate their new headquarters. So they arrived about 2 hours late to meet the monotonous stranger. They walked down the aisle of the Kodak theatre, well except Alison who ran through all the rows petting the red velvet and yelling out which celebrity sat in which seat. They climbed the stairs of the stage, Alison, who was still had 60 rows to go was giggling gleefully.

Then they saw a tall, dark figure lurking in the shadows. He was wearing a black trench coat, black jeans, a black shirt and black sunglasses. His hair, which was also black, was slicked back and looked as though it would take a high-powered drill to break the seal the gel had made. He walked forward slowly.

“I’m glad you could make it Teen Girl Squad” he said monotonously. He crept out of the shadows and was finally in clear view of TGS.

“Oh god” mumbled Susanne disgruntled.

Emily and Heather looked subtly at each other with looks of disgust on their face. And Alison still had 45 rows to run through.

“You do know who I am, don’t you?” he asked. (Monotonously, I might add)

“Ugh…yes,” said Emily.

“Yes, it is I-“he paused for emphatic purposes. “Keanu Reeves. I heard that you are looking for Bruce Willis and that he was taken by your evil twin” he glanced in Susanne’s direction.

“So?” Heather asked a little more rudely than she intended, although luckily Keanu Reeves couldn’t understand an emotion even if it hit him over the head. He would still say “Ow, that hurt…(pause) ..ow” in his monotonous voice.

“Well as you might know, I once played my own evil twin in the movie Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey. So I think I could-“ he paused again for 45 seconds which what he considered the perfect amount of time to add emphasis. “Help you…..”

Emily, Susanne and Heather looked each other unsure if they should take this actors offer of help. Meanwhile Alison was sitting in the seat where Adrian Brody had sat during last years Oscars, petting the velvet, her head twitching every so often.

Chapter 4: Headquarters

By: Heather

Now that the most important part of preparation had been covered- first things first, the girls needed to find a new location to revert back to now that their headquarters had been replaced.

Instantly Alison and Heather banded together arguing that somewhere in Toronto would be the most convenient place, as both of them lived there anyway. There was no way that Susanne was standing for that, deciding that she would only allow it if she got jet privileges over anyone else. Of course if that was the case Emily felt that she was getting the short end of the bargain, not living in Toronto nor having jet access.

After much unnecessary argument, Heather, the most reasonable of them all, had an idea.
“Why don’t we just make it somewhere in between?”

The rest of TGS just stared at Heather in confusion and slight interest in a potential solution to something that at the moment seemed irresolvable.

“um.. you know, just figure out where we can set up headquarters, so that it’s the least distance for everyone…” Heather suggested meekly.

“So Limerick Lake?” asked Emily. Everyone shot a curious look at Emily for her immediate response, jaws dropped; Emily shifted uncomfortably.
“err.. well, I’ve thought about it before, you know, in case everyone ever got busy… and we aren’t able to see each other… that would be the easiest place to.. er.. meet,” she glanced around waiting for a response.

“Aww.. you guys!!!” said Alison breaking down motioning them all into a group hug.

As they tried moving away after a reasonable amount of time to hold a group hug, Alison held them there, unable to control her tears. “Has she been drinking?” Heather said under her breath to Susanne standing beside her. They decided it was best to just wait it out and after about 10 minutes or so, Alison was predictably fast asleep in their arms.

So, they all piled into the jet, heading for their new headquarters locale, when their phone started to ring. Susanne strolled over to pick up the phone. After about 30 seconds of nodding and ‘are you sure’s?” she placed her hand over the register, “um, girls, I think we have a lead on Bruce.”

Chapter 3 - Rejected TGS Names: 'Spandex Jockeys'

The girls were all seated around a table in Cheung’s waiting for their food. Susanne, who couldn’t seem to wait was in fact chewing on something that she had found nearby. Emily hoped that it was not scavenged from under the table and made a mental note not to get too near to her mouth. Hopefully this was an achievable goal, but you never know with the TGS.

With an evil kidnapping twin on the loose it looked like the TGS may need to hike up their brightly coloured panties and get down to business. But they no longer had a secret headquarters, their possession of super powers was always in question and they were in no shape for fighting crime these days. However while the girls were lamenting their loss of superheroine status and reasoning that Bruce Willis wasn’t really that important anyway Alison piped up with something that would change everything.
“I saw Heather jogging the other day and she was wearing spandex”

SPANDEX!!!
Well that just changes everything!!

While Heather’s face was turning into the same hue as Superman’s cape and shifting around in her seat in a way that suggested that she could possibly we wearing spandex right at this moment the other members of the TGS were overjoyed.
“What colour is it?”
“Is it the shiny kind??”
“How much stuff can you shove down the spandex before it explodes?”

Despite the fact that spandex to superheroes is what miniskirts are to the Prostitots, the TGS had never really had much to do with it. Of course, while at cycling races Emily had practically been buried alive in it. But never worn it. That was something that none of the TGS ever did. But now it could bring the girls back to being superheroes.
It turned out that Heather had quite the collection. Soon all four of the TGS were decked out in spandex, with their coats and sweaters tied about their necks as capes. Yes, it was a bit snug and Yes, the waitress at Cheung’s did tell them that the 80’s called and wanted their wardrobe back, but the girls were once again ready to do what they do best; Fight Evil…or at the very least confuse it.
Rock on Heather

Chapter Two- A Briefy of A Back Story

Susanne looked into space looking joyously dejected. Hopefully forlorn. The silent hill was void of drills. Twilight was closing shop. The moon was full. In the sky, a few still visible clouds passed like glowing shapes cut in a rotating paper lamp before her unseeing eyes. History had Susanne's full attention.

"Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry, you don't know how lovely you aaaaarrree..."

The Teen Girls huddled at the bottom and speculated on their current situation. What did they know about Suzan? To be honest, very little, but Susanne's reaction to their first instinct, a full blown search and destroy mission, was unexpected. She seemed reluctant and uncertain. 

"I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apaaaaaart..."

"Maybe proposing that we kill her twin, evil or no, was a little hasty on our part." reasoned Emily.

"Evil twin, Emily. Evil twin." insisted Ali.

"Nobody said it was eaaaaasyyyyy, nobody said it would be this haaaaaaarrd..."

"But what has Bruce Willis done lately anyway?" asked Heather.

"That's not the point. Nothing. But it's not the point. Clearly this is a sensitive issue. I don't know how we'll handle it."

"I suppose we'll have to wait for Susanne to come down."

 And wait they did, like loyal friends, for most of the night.

 Susanne's reminiscing started at the beginning with the difficult childhood expected of a good twin. The relationship between good and evil twins had been set in stone for years, but she grew up with tightly held visions of harmony. A world with two good twins.

 So despite years of patience, demolished homework assignments, thoughtful gifts, stolen diaries, goodhearted gestures, and flaming bags of dog poop in lockers the two had never been completely reconciled. There had been a few tense years of silence between the two. Susanne had come to realize who she was and who she could be without her alter-ego in the flesh. She had to admit it had been the happiest years of her life so far, and now Suzan had to ruin it all by kidnapping Bruce Willis and pinning it on her unsuspecting crime-fighting sister. Was this a distorted message in some way? Perhaps Suzan was reaching out, trying to establish a connection once more. Who was she, the good twin in her new role as protector of the good and occasionally famous, to restrict her creativity? To dull the edge and perhaps miss the point? It was hopeful, but it was sinister. What did it all mean? Meanwhile, the Teen Girls ordered soup and egg rolls from Cheung's, and waited.

 

"AAAAAAAWWOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOoooooo..."

Chapter 1: Another Story, Another Person to Save

It had been two years. Two very long years. They had gone their separate ways and were taught more words, plot construction, welding and how to perfect the victory dance. While some things had changed, one thing maintained the same. When trouble arose, they would be there to fight it. With all of them spread across the province of Ontario it was devastingly difficult to have a reunion. That was until now. This was the time. The reunion took place where it all began, in Campbellford, outside of Dooher’s Bakery.

“Hey Susanne, you got a little chocolate on your face”

“Ah geeze, again? I really have been working on hitting my mouth, but sometimes it’s just so hard. I just want to eat it all!” exclaimed Susanne.

“Has anyone been back to cave? Did you know they’re planning on building a giant movie theatre in there? I think its called the ‘Scotia Rogers Sony Centre for Watching Movies’,” interjected Heather.

They all groaned and moaned at the ridiculously long, corporate filled name and at the loss of their beloved headquarters.

“Oh guess who I saw the other day,” said Emily, excitedly. “The BFR!”

“Man, I miss that guy, how is he doing?” asked Alison.

“He got married!”

A banter of seriouslies, no ways and thats awesome directly followed as Emily pulled out a picture of the BFR and his new bride, who looked quite similar just with a better groomed beard.

“Tea Break!” cried Alison, who came out carrying a tray of four-steaming hot cups of various herbal teas. So the discussion of what everyone was up to continued as it always does, when old friends gather. Alas these were not just old friends. These were the members of the Teen Girl Squad. They had rescued movie stars, defeated the elderly and made a movie and a rock band. And may have somehow defeated the Man of the East for the final time, but we’ll never be sure, for the last story ended quite abruptly and without any real ending. Although it was said that the earth exploded but it was later found out, that it was just some other planet that looked similar to the earth that exploded and that Earth itself was still in fairly decent shape except for all the pollution and green house gases. TGS had decided to reunite to divide up their cherished items that had been stored in the cave seeing as the Scotia Rogers Centre for Watching Movies were evicting the girls from the cave because they had forgotten to pay rent. And they all wanted to keep something that they cherished and also they thought it was time to let Esther out of the sound-proof booth because they had forgotten to do that for three years.

After they finished their tea, they headed to the cave. First they let Esther out, who was happily having tea and crumpets with the TGS dolls that she had created. She asked if she could take the dolls with her because they were quite good company and all of TGS agreed so Esther went on her way with the dolls and crumpets in her hand, continuously talking. Emily found her Iron Butt which was safely stored underneath a coffee table. Alison did some karoke for old times sake, singing everything from Celine Dion (during which she was booed mercilessly)to Frank Zapa (during which she was booed mercilessly), Susanne went straight for the chocolate supply cupboard and began throwing as much in her pillow case that she brought for the occasion. Heather went to the jet and sat in the control room and was trying to wipe the peanut butter smears off of the control panel. Suddenly there was a loud bang and a figure burst through the cave doors (almost exactly the same way Viggo Mortensen burst through the doors in Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers).

“She’s taken him! She’s taken him!” screamed the figure as he stumbled to the centre of the cave and collapsed on the floor.

“Who? Who’s taken Who?” inquired Emily. The whole scene was quite dramatic, one that TGS was not quite used to.

“Maybe it was the Man of the East” declared Alison.

“Or Hilary Duff!” exclaimed Heather.

“Didn’t she drown?” asked Susanne

“I thought she escaped” replied Emily.

The mysterious figure was now sitting up and disgruntled because his dramatic moment was ruined by the on-goings of the teen girl squad.

“Hellllooooo? Man in desperation sitting on the floor here! Anyone going to listen to what I have to say?”

“Oh right” and they turned their attention back to mysterious figure. “So who took who?”

“It was....it was....it was.....HER!” he yelled as he pointed straight to Susanne.

“A-wha? Would you like to explain yourself further mysterious figure?” demanded Alison. “You just can’t charge into our cave and say that our friend took someone when she obviously didn’t.”

“I saw her take him. My friend Bruce Willis. She took him and then she flew away and-“ he started.

“AHA! Well Susanne can’t fly! So it wasn’t her!” declared Emily.

“You’re right, it wasn’t me,” began Susanne. “But it was my evil twin. Suzan.”

Everyone in the cave fell silent and stared at Susanne in disbelief. Was it really possible that Susanne had an evil twin with a similar name? How could this be? Would the TGS reunite to fight Suzan? How would this story play out? What would happen? Will anyone actually read this or has it been just too long?

Starting a New Story

I had heard talks of wanting to start up a new story so I took it upon myself to write the first chapter. If you wanna go with it, I say we should go with it! It would be a cool way to stay in touch with one another. Okay- so I am going to post my chapter. Its got quite the twist in it!

The Final Chapter

Then the earth exploded and everything died.


The End.