Chapter 12 - also by Emily

Back in the cave the Ali, Heather, Susanne and the rest of the Campbellford youth were trying to make the time go by faster by doing some karaoke. Unfortunately that had backfired when the local drama teacher, Mr. Henwood found out and would not stop singing Mariah Carey songs. Everyone was suffering, and there was getting to be a lack of chocolate in the caves. Susanne was just about to karate chop someone when the door burst open.
Standing in the doorway was 2 silhouettes. You could tell one was Emily because of the rather large shape of the butt, but the other one was a mystery. Not for very long though. Someone moved a light onto the figures. In the background you could faintly hear Mr. Henwood complaining because the spot light had been taken off of him. Everyone could now clearly see Emily, with her hair all tangled and frizzy, and in her eyes was that hollow look of someone who had given up their hope long ago. Beside her Esther was looking very cheery and bright, although that could have been because of her buttons. Emily saw Ali, Heather, Susanne and the rest of her friends and stumbled towards them to receive a nice big group hug. After Emily had eaten the last of the chocolate supply (trying to ignore the evil stare that she was getting from Susanne) she felt good enough to take part in the planning. Esther let everyone in on her brilliant plan and they all got to work.....
*the next day*
Everyone was in place. Esther was all dressed up in normal antagonist clothes (high waisted pants and horrid sweaters with normal buttons). The Teen Girls were hiding in the gazebo ready for the signal.
As planned Esther approached the large group of antagonists who were outside in Old Mill Park. They were playing chess and, if they were feeling really lively, Shuffleboard!! The Teen Girls watched anxiously as Esther sat down next to the olds. Yes!!! she was in!!! Step 1 complete. Now for Step 2
Esther started to mouth words as if she was talking normally but there was no sound coming out. Everyone knew how loud Esther was, it was legendary. So the olds were getting confused, hmm, they thought, I guess it’s time to turn up the hearing aid again.
The Teen Girls saw virtually all of the antagonists reach up and turn up their hearing aids. Esther continued to mouth words as if nothing odd were happening. Again, they all turned up their hearing aids. This process was repeated several times. Finally Esther gave the Teen Girls the signal. The Teen Girls then contacted Evan, their special Music Technician, through their complicated system of tin cans on a piece of string. Evan was standing beside a huge pair of speakers.
"Ok, Now!!!"
"Alright!! I was thinking of playing a delicate mix of Rush, Relient K, My Chemical Romance, Saves the Day, The Used, Matthew Good, uuum, maybe some Weezer, ya, and Blue Rodeo, Queen, The Who, oh ya, this is going to be soooo gooood! And The Spades and then some Jimmy Eat World, uh huh, and a little.."
"Evan"
"Yes"
"Shut up. Just play the music"
"oh, ok" Evan sounded a little hurt but he started his brilliant and complex music mix anyway.
By this time the old people had turned their hearing aids all the way up. The Teen Girls watched and enjoyed. The music was loud and young. The old people did not know what hit them. The music was like a wave crashing over all of them. Many were screaming in pain at the severe damage that had been done to their hearing. They all cranked their hearing aids back down and ran for cover but it was too late, the Teen Girls had won this one. Yes!!! things were beginning to turn around for them. Will things stay this way? Will Esther stick around? Will someone give Emily a brush so that she can finally fix her hair? Well it’s all up to Susanne now!
Sorry I took so long with these chapters

Chapter 11-by Emily

Esther’s house was not at all like I expected it to be, it seemed just like any other antagonist’s house. Yes, Esther was in her 80's however anyone who had ever met her knew that she was defiantly not like the other olds. She told dirty jokes. About my grandparents. While I and about 30 other people were in the room. She was also notoriously known for talking. One time my cousin answered the phone and it was Esther on the other end. She talked for 30 minutes before he managed to tell her that no, grandma was not home, then she had a small algae bloom because he did not tell her sooner. Most conversations with Esther go somewhat like this
"hello"
then the talking starts and BAM! 45 minutes later and she is still talking and you are wondering how many times the excuse "I have to go to the washroom" can be used and she won’t get suspicious. You had hoped that when you came back she would have started to talk to someone else, but in fact she just hadn’t stopped talking at all and she somehow caught you and once again you were stuck listening about her dead husband (died 14 years ago, they were married in 35, he had a blue car....). The only good thing about these encounters with Esther are the stories that you get to tell afterward which go something like this
"Hey where have you been for the past 2 hours?"
"I was talking to Esther"
*looks ranging from terror and pity to impressed* "What did she talk about this time?" "Do you have that thing where it’s like you have cotton balls in your ears because she talked so loudly and directly into your ear?" "How did you escape?" "Did she tell you anything about her days of burlesque?" ...and so on.
Indeed when I endured The Great 80'th Birthday Party of 04 chat in which I somehow found myself alone in a room with Esther and she talked for 55 minutes straight I was regarded as a bit of a hero afterwards.
Anyway, as I approached Esther’s house all of these thoughts came back to me. These are most of the bad qualities which I tend to focus on. But let’s not get the wrong impression, Esther is by far the coolest person over 7 decades old that I have ever met. This was verified when she answered the door.
She was wearing a lime green vest with glow in the dark buttons. Her cane was zebra striped.
"Hello, do I know you?"
"Hi Esther, it’s Emily"
"Who? Are you back here trying to sell me cookies??"
"No, I’m Doarthy’s granddaughter"
"EMILY!!! How great to see you again!!!"
Then she dragged me into her house. We did have to get down to business. After all, the rest of my friends were out there on the streets trying to save Campbellford and their last hopes were on me!! I must act quickly!!!
*2 hours later*
Ether is still rambling on about how she used to take ballet as a child.
Good Lord, she never shuts up!!
I have tried several times to bring up my problem but she just talks right over me!!!
*20 minutes later*
Yes!!! Success!!!! I finally got my story of how the old people have broken out and taken over Campbellford out. Esther thinks it is absolutely tragic and is all for helping us!!!
We are going to head back to the cave now and share her plan with the other girls!!
DO NOT agree to ride with Esther in a car, especially when she is driving. It makes Ali look like Han Solo. And the car just amplifies her voice, oh god, I am doing to be deaf by the time we get back, then I can fit right in with the antagonists.

Chapter 10- The Big Geek Off

Sitting on the curb was not fun. Actually it hurt, quite a lot. This did not make ¾ of teen girl squad happy. They could just see a glimpse of the wiggers as they strutted over the hill and into the sunset. Oh no! Sunset was bad. The old folks would be coming out for their nightly teenage sacrifice soon. If ¾ of TGS was caught, they would be sacrificed. That would be bad. Very bad. Like super traumatically bad. It was actually quite unfortunate when you think about it.
So ¾ of TGS decided that they should get up from the curb. But that was ever so hard. Heather was sitting lower than ever and Susanne was trying to perk up Alison, but was failing miserably seeing as Alison was finally realizing that she would never ever see Dominic Monaghan again. Oh, the horror of it all!
“Hey guys maybe I can help!” said Mr.Kivari, a local teacher who also hated the antagonists. “But I got gas”
“We’re actually okay, Mr.K, but thanks for wanting to help….I think” replied Susanne cautiously.
“Fine, but when you need me I won’t be around” he said angrily. “Dun Dun Dun!” Kivari said as he walked off dramatically. “Dam prostitots” he muttered.
“Okay, well then. Lets go girls!” said Susanne as she stood up from the curb, unfortunately as she stood up she ripped her skirt. Luckily Alison brought along her Teen Trauma Kit, which she was using.
Alison swallowed her large chunk of chocolate and handed the sewing needle and thread to Susanne who repaired her skirt with super speed.
“I think I know what we have to do!” said Heather. “We must get the skate borders at the skateboard park. I know we can recruit them!”
“Oh, I dunno, we already tried that with the wiggers and it didn’t work out plus the sk8borders are hiding under the ramps, how ever would we get them out?” said Alison who was hesitant on the whole idea.
“No, c’mon, let’s go” Heather whined.
“Fine” said Alison
“I’m doooooone!” said Susanne.
“Okay let’s go” said Heather in an inspirational voice.
“Wait! I just got the Freaks and Geeks Season 1 on DVD, lets go watch that instead” said Alison excitedly.
“What about the skate boarders?” asked Heather.
“What about Freaks-“
“-And Geeks?” said Alison and Susanne simultaneously. They both looked at eachother and gasped and then laughed for a good 10 seconds. It was the best day of their lives. (Enter happy,inspirational music)
“Awww, c’mon guys, it’ll be fun, we can use the skateboards” said Heather trying to persuade the other two.
“Nope. We want freaks and geeks” said Susanne digilantly.
As soon as Susanne said that, the girls saw an array of short slacks, pen protectors, calculators and flannel shirts coming towards them at a very, very quick pace.
“Susanne, you know you shouldn’t have said that so loud. The freaks and geeks are coming!” whispered Alison terrified of what was going to happen next.
“Hi…snort…how are ya, yuck, yuck!” said the head geek giddily. “I am so glad you guys called. We were worried that you didn’t know that we existed”
“Well, uh I think I see a faint outline of you but I’m not quite sure” said Alison confused.
“Well if we help you will you be able to see me? Sweet Pea” said the head geek trying to hit on Heather.
“Ugh, no!” said Heather backing away in disgust.
“Oh, well fine then we don’t have to help you jerks, Einstein is all we need!”
“ No, wait we could use your smarts. Lord knows that we don’t have the brain to come up with an ingenious plan!” said Susanne.
“Nice use of the word ingenious, Susanne. When we get back to the cave you get a gold star added to our Smart Chart” exclaimed Alison excitedly. So far only Emily had received gold stars. Heather had some gold stars but she lost all of them when she did something extremely stupid like….oh lets say, she fell down on a public street while eating a chocolate bar and smeared all of the chocolate on her face. It was actually quite funny, but still super silly.
“Being smart isn’t as important as being funny though” said one of the geeks.
“That’s right” said another geek. “Laughter is the ultimate aphrodisiac, you’ve got a woman laughing, you’ve got a woman loving”
“Riiight” said Alison slightly confused.
“Well anyways geek, do you mind if I call you geek?” asked Susanne politely.
“No, it’s cool” the geek replied.
“Don’t you think that you should go for geekets?” Susanne continued.
“There are no more geekets. They were all wiped out in the dungeons and dragons battle of 04, it was Karlos the Dwarf that did it. Dam him and his dwarfing ways” continued the geek. All of the geeks looked down in respect of their lost geekets.
“Sorry guys, but there just isn’t enough time to get you ready for the big antagonist battle that will be coming up soon, your just not strong enough!” said Alison apologetically.
“Well it’s okay, I guess” said the head geek. “But if you need help, just look in the school library, we’ll be there, waiting for you”
“Thanks geeks” said Heather.
“Yeah, you guys are super guys. One day someone will love you for you” said Susanne inspirationally. “That just isn’t today”
“Okay, and with that ending note, girls we should probably find Emily, I don’t have a grudge against her, I know that she is just jealous, because I have somebody that loves me, ie. Dominic Monaghan, and Matt T just dumped her in the middle of the street, so I understand why she is so bitter, so lets go find her and Esther not Agnus. Agnus is some random woman off the street Heather, Esther is Emily's wacked out, talkative, anti-antagonist friend and thats whom we must find” said Alison. “...Did you like my monologue?”
So ¾ of TGS went off into the sunset, leaving the geeks in the dust, only after promising them that they would call on them when the big battle came, as long as the geeks prepared enough, because they would probably need all the help that they could get....anyways even if it was sunset an hour ago when the wiggers had walked off into the sunset, so it should no longer be sunset, but that didn’t matter….time was not an element in this story. What is an element of this story? Stealing quotes from the show, ‘Freaks and Geeks’. Thanks ‘Freaks and Geeks’, you saved my chapter.

Chapter 9: A sure-fire plan...It just has to be executed...

By: Heather

Quite terrified, the girls knew that something had to be done, and soon.The girls turned to the wiggers who were strutting away as fast as one could possibly strut without losing their wigger ‘Fla-va.' The King turned looking both horrified and apologetic that he couldn't help them.

"Now what?" said Emily, "Everybody else is going to be too afraid to help us now after hearing that!"

"But they accepted me-" Susanne was stunned off in a daze, sitting on the curb rocking herself back and forth shaking it off, then continuing repeatedly; The girls took to ignoring her.

"They're spreading too fast for us to stop them- without any help..." Heather joined Susanne in the fetal position and also began rocking herself; Once again, she was also ignored.

"Dominic will help us!" shouted Alison. Emily pulled out her handkerchief to wipe up the drool.

"Alison- you know he's on LOST now, he's too busy to help some small town having a problem with the elderly"

Alison was extremely offended by the comment and sat aside Heather, arms crossed, mouth in the pouting position- Emily knew there was no telling when Alison would get over this grudge.

Emily was on her own for ideas. One came to her which she debated in her head for quite some time. "Hey guys! This may sound crazy but-"

Susanne interupted her, "You think that's crazy, did i tell you about the cereal addict lady- now she's crazy...." she went off on a tangeant longer than usual and Heather and Alison didn't seem likely to recover for a while, so Emily decided to go off on her own.

"I'll meet you guys back at the cave. Teen girls u...nite....ah, who am i kidding?" Who was she kidding indeed?

Emily knew exactly where she would go- to an outside antagonist, one who hadn't received the news of the old person strike, one who wouln't allow others to get a word in enough to tell her what was going on even if the news had reached her region- Esther!

(Ali- before you go at it, you must read the comments-)

Chapter 8.5

Just then a emergency broadcast came over the radio in one of the wigger's cars.

"An absoloutly stunning spectacle to be seen. Just now we have recieved this first hand account of an accident that went way too far on account of some rampaging senior citizens..."

The girls pulled their scooters closer to the car to listen in.

Chapter 8 - A Susanne Wilkins' Production

Things looked bad for the girls. Running to the nearest alley, they huddled together to tape up ankles, and mend their bruised dignity, scraped Heathers, and various other cane and limb related injuries. The girls slipped sliently down the alley looking for a way out without confronting another group of elderly, yet wiry antagonists.
At last they came to a fire escape ladder and climbed into the nearest apartment window. It was dark inside, and Susanne imagined that Escaping from the Hospital by the Beastie Boys was playing as background music because it's the perfect song for sneaking through a stranger's apartment with friends to. She went on to think that it was strange that some Beastie Boys songs were really good, and others she could not even listen to without wanting to die. This train of thought slowly took on all of her attention, trying to find exactly what it was about rap that repulsed her and yet still made her head bop up and down ever so slightly, until she smashed into an end table, a lamp, and finally the coat rack. She just didn't see it there, and everyone understood (sort of) but that didn't help the fact that waking up noises were coming from the bedroom down the hall.
A light flicked on, showing faded, flowery wall paper and several hanging pictures of birds. A door slowly swung ajar and into the hall stepped a withered, old prune with the deadliest of any weapon yet to be unleashed upon the Teen Girl Squad: GUILT! They had woken her up!! Insides writhering, and reeling with the pain of guilt, the girls could only avert their guilty gaze from the old woman scolding them until Heather, remembering her super door kicking down powers, screamed (from her diaphram for maximum projection) and kicked through the door which flew open but stopped short with a loud THWACK! Someone yelled, "OW!" from the other side and landed in a helpless ball. The girls were concerned for a minute, but the man was clearly getting on in years so perhaps it was for the best. But what was another old person doing in this building? Had they tracked down the girls and were in the slow but certain act of storming the building? No, things were much worse! The subtle decor of pastels and wicker furniture was making it painfully clear that the Teen Girl Squad was in fact standing in one of the new retirement homes! Terror shook their very beings, and thinking nothing of perserving their ultra-chic images, the girls screamed bloody murder and ran for their lives.

The biggest problem facing the squad was now clear to all. There was no resisting the powers of the elderly, who were still as numerous as their never ending stories, and this is because the girls, while trained in all the coolest and deadliest arts, were still above all pretty good girls who didn't really have anything besides loud music and fashion sense (common youthful tendancies) that posed any threat to the elderly at all. They would have to look outside themselves for help if there was to be any chance of saving the day. But what other groups were there that were large enough, and threating enough to take down such a gang of haughty, high-haired humans?

Alison suggested they start at the skate park, which they were closest too, but the skaters (pronounced "sk8rz") were already hiding under the ramps to protect themselves from the painful shock of seeing anyone with pants higher than their knees.

They continued to Zazu to question the preps, but they were all whimpering under their ridiculously tiny, hardly functional purses and refused to leave at the risk of having their hair ruffled.

The TGS thought they might ask the "emo" kids next, but were not suprised to discover that this steryotype is actually impossible and does not exist. Deal with it.

Emily, who was sitting on the curb in deep thought, suddenly felt a slight quivering in the ground with her ultra sensitive butt. They slowly all became aware of the booming base of an approaching car, their que to stand in a close circle on the sidewalk to show that they were all together as a couple of wiggers bounced up in a low, red car with giant speakers.
The car slowed down to study the girls, who huddled just a little closer and furrowed their brows at the boys in the car. There was a moment of tension as the car continued to be slowed down, until Susanne gave them a little half knod, which they returned with a half knod and a half smile and sped off down the street.
"HEY!" said Heather, who had just realised something very important, "Have you noticed something? The wiggers are the only other people besides us who seem at all unafftected by nap time at all!"
"Ya, old people hate wiggers. No duh." said Alison who was certainly not portrayed as the dumb one at all.
"Susanne, " said Emily turning to Heather, and was confused for a second but then saw that Susanne was actually on the other side of her, "What did you just do to get rid of them?"
Susanne changed her stance to more of an explanitory pose, and let the girls in on the secret art of body language, "I dunno." she said, and every one understood perfectly.
They jumped on their scooters and set out for the nearby village of Wiggeria (aka. Hastings) which Susanne had lived in all her life. It was clear that she could communicate with them, having lived among them always, but luckily had never become one thanks to the timely transition from public to highschool. She was slightly proud of this ability, but mostly just reluctant to admit it. Still she decided for the greater grood that it was time to set aside these feelings of resentment towards old friends and save some C-ford the old skool way.

The girls rolled into village looking here and there for signs of their secret hidden lair, the location of which Susanne had long forgotten. The cubby hole? No... The tree? Not there either. Dan's parking lot? No, he hates wiggers... ...and that's where Susanne and Kate hang out.
At last the girls rolled along one of those main streets that Susanne has never learned the name of even though she has lived there her whole life (and there are not that many streets to know the names of) and it struck her that the obvious place for wiggers to chill would be the gazeebo! It was a prime location what with all that space to carve words like, "Dawg" and "Yo momma" in pointy letters that overlap to the point that no one can read it anyway. The girls prepared themselves for the communication exersize of a life time by shaking out their limbs, and streching into various poses such as the Pigeon. Strutting onto the gazeebo, resisting peer pressure, and throwing their arms around like they just didn't care, the TGS approached King Wigger to state their case. Wiggers on every side quieted down as they passed, but since the girls showed no sign of feeling out of place they did nothing about it, looking to the king for signs of disapproval. Tension mounted, and an awed hush settled over the crowded gazeebo. The king's head tilted towards the girls. Susanne stepped forward, and chewed her bottom lip for a moment.

"Yo dawg, I say me an ma shorties all up in heearr, an we all goin' crazy town on this ya know what I'm sayin madness, I'm saying madness and I'm all tripped out, heeear??"

The king lifted his chin and stared down to the girls.
"T'sup?" he inquired.

Breathing a short sigh of relief, Susanne continued her story. Heads bopped furiously on each side as the tale of the elderly unfolded for the wiggers, and at last there was nothing left to say. All eyes were on the king who had only to say one word that may mean the begining, or the end for the Teen Girl Squad...

"Fo' sho'." he knodded.
"Fo' sho'!" answered the wiggers.

It was really happening. The king delcared that word would be spread to all corners of "Trent Hills" that all wiggers would be bound together and make their way to Campbellford. But would it work? Would the girls be in time to save Campbellford with their loyal army of wiggers, or was it too little too late?? Find out in the next few chapters which will be written by one of us, I just can't remember which. ROCK ON, WHOEVER IT IS!!

Chapter 7 By Emily

The TGS and the BFR, making a surprise cameo, were surrounded by angry old people. They were finally at a loss.... There did not seem to be a way out, it was time for "Group Huddle!!" yelled Heather. So while the old people were slowly advancing towards them the Teen Girl Squad started their huddle. Susanne brought tea.
"OK, what do we do???" Asked Emily, who was getting a bit panicky about all of the old people surrounding them.
"Well we could stay and fight"
"But there are over 100 of them"
"Do you like milk in your tea"
"I guess we could try to make a run for it..."
"Wait...They are doing something" Ali pointed towards the wall of old people that was still making it’s slow advancement towards the girls and the BFR. Four of the antagonists were breaking away from the line and hobbling towards the Teen Girls.
It was The Old Pensioner Squad!!!!!!
The Old Pensioner Squad consisted of two old men and two old women. The two squads met in the middle.
The OPS had hundreds of antagonists standing behind them cheering in loud intimidating wails. The TGS had the Big Furry Russian who was in the act of grooming his beard, so he was not much help.
Suddenly a loud bell rang and the Teen Girls and the Old Pensioners rushed forwards to start the showdowns.
Ali and one of the old men were fighting. It was going pretty good for Ali and she had him in a good arm lock when suddenly the arm she was holding detached from his body. IT WAS AN ARTIFICIAL LIMB!!!! This threw Ali off guard so the man had time to reach down, pull off his artificial leg and start to beat her with it. It ended with Ali on the ground defeated and the old man receiving loud cheers from the antagonist side and mumbling about taking some shrapnel in World War One.
Emily was up against one of the old women. They were giving deadly stares to each other for quite a while. Emily was just about to move forward and engage in battle when the woman pulled out a tray of Fresh Baked Chocolate Chip Cookies!! After a brief internal struggle Emily succumbed to the delicate scent that drifted from the cookies and reached to grab one. This was when the old woman smacked Emily with her cane. Emily went down and it was another victory for the olds
Down the line Susanne had rushed forward with a clear goal. She knew where to go and it had never failed her before. She headed straight for the underwear to give her Old Pensioner a good firm wedgie. But something was wrong....the wedgie wasn’t working. She soon realized why. This was one of those old men who have their pants hiked up as far as they can go. This particular old man was reaching impressive heights of just below the armpits. HIS UNDERWEAR WAS ALREADY UP AS FAR AS IT COULD GO AND THE MAN HAD FORMED A SORT OF IMMUNITY TO WEDGIES!!!!!! GAHHHHHHHH! Susanne’s blunder had given the OP the upper hand and he reached forward with a learned hand and pinched poor Susanne’s cheek in a most painful and annoying way. She was left screaming in agony while the OP was greeted with more cheers from his buddies.
Heather faced off against her OP. It was the other old woman. She was one of those really old really fragile ladies who looked like she was about to fall over. Heather was thinking to herself that this would be really really easy when suddenly the frail old woman unleashed her secret powers. COLLAR BONES THAT COULD CUT GLASS!!! The frail old woman was equipt with the razor sharp collar bones as well as ELBOWS AS POINTY AS NEEDLES!!! In a couple of seconds Heather was covered in cuts and scrapes. The Old Pensioner Squad had defeated the Teen Girl Squad!!! Things never looked so bad for the Teen Girls. How could they come back after such a bitter defeat???
Your turn Suzie!

Chapter 6-by ali

It seemed like months and months and months and months and months and months and months and months and months and 2 weeks and 5 days before the elderly approached TGS. The overwhelming scent of perfume and click clacking of canes was too much for the TGS to handle. They screamed, ran in a circle and prepared a plan.
" Lets play some ReliantK, that'll scare them away!" exclaimed Emily, who thought that this plan was brilliant and thought that she was quite creative for thinking it up.
"Actually Emily, I would rather not be associated with this situation and you already used the good music trick, it just won't work again" said a voice from outside of the circle.
Matt. T stood outside of the cirlce, looking very good, almost Dominic Monaghan good, although that would be a step to far. Emily looked shocked, and she was completley happy for one moment in time. This was absolute bliss for her.
"But hey thanks for thinking of me!" said Matt T. With a wiggle of his nose, he disapeared into thin air only leaving an essence of hottness behind him.
"Okay guys we have got to think" said Alison suddenly, although this was a surprise to everyone seeing as she had been labeled as the stupid one of the group which she was quite bitter about. "I say we hitchike" contiued Alison...this was much more like something Alison would say, so everyone looked unschocked and listened intently her. "Okay everyone....to the CURB!"
Everyone but Emily ran to the curb and did their best hitchiking pose. Heather pulled a prostitot and pulled her skirt a little north above the knee. Susanne, stuck out both of her thumbs and yelled "Ehhhhhh" and tried to do her best impersonation of the Fonz. Alison slightly stuck her thumb out, although she was hesitent because she didn't like asking people for rides. Emily slowly dragged her feet towards the curb and sat down. She rested her head in her palm and sighed.
Luckily a blue truck came to a stop. Altough when Alison saw the owner of the blue truck, she backed up quickly. Unfortunately the owner of the truck was Creepy Eye Brows guy, and his eyebrows had gone haywire. They were up, down, up, down, they were all over the place. Alison screamed and luckily a black BMW crashed into the blue truck sending it and Creepy Eyebrows Guy, flying out into the middle of the street.
"ûßñ ïÌaXûÉ cÚpôip þУaªŒ ÝüÊâ¤éÁ ZpÔézrÒ¹ GûÃ¥g p¬8ûZ8é"
"Oh my god!" screamed Heather
"It can't be!" said Susanne, who was a little bitter seeing as Creepy Eyebrows Guy was her friend, which was odd, and should never have happened.
"Where's Matt T?" cried Emily who was still depressed because, a) she didn't get Matt.T's autograph and b) she didn't get to show him her iron butt.
"Thank god, somebody got rid of that pshyco"
The girls climbed into the BMW and drove away.
"So Big Furry Russian how's it going?" asked Alison, who was in the front because she didn't want to be a back seat driver, but instead a passenger seat driver, it made more sense.
"Where's Matt T, Big Furry Russian?" asked Emily who looked hurt when everyone ignored her.
"Hey Big Furry Russian, I thought you went back to Russia when we defeated the Man of the East" said Susanne.
"ߺáÐ ºénëõkÉù JA0ÂÑþУaª zrûZïÌaX¤éÁ" replied the Big Furry Russian.
"Well c'mon Russian, lets run over those packs of seniors over there. 10 points for each one you hit. 100 points for each one that has dentures that fall out when you hit them and 10000 for each one that you hit that has a cane and drawn on eyebrows" said Heather who was very excited for the situation.
And thus the TGS and the big furry russian played their game all day until they accumulated over 5 782151657987975 897987769798 548679879845 87897897875 6879897987564 798798765 9879876465 987 654 68798 76545498 76 465 987 4 456678987 45687 6548 7897 654 878 7654 87 8978 8798 987 4 87 points. Heather was quite pleased. Emily cried a lot more, but she soon realized that she actually got to see Matt T so she was very happy. Susanne was bitter because Creepy Eyebrows guy was gone but Alison assured her that it was for the best. And they were all happy.
They were happy until the atagonists prepared to fight against the BMW with the hip young old folks that were in wheel chairs and could fight against the car with their canes. Unfortunately one of the old folks hit the cars engine very hard (he was on steroids therefore he had strength) and made the car stop. It was sad because the car was nice. The old folk began to circle around the car most of them with their teeth missing, because their dentures were out on the road. TGS didn't know what to do. They screamed and the big furry russian screamed and then-

Chapter 5

Chapter 5
By: Evan
Our first ever guest writer

After being pulled through much of the unknown underground tunnels, the TGS featuring Evan came to a stop and were released from the sacs in a very poorly lit cigar-smelling room. With careful examination, it was determined by Heather that they were in fact inside the Campbellford legion which was a very (broken) hip place to be for the old folks. The five young'ns were forced up onto the stage where their hands were bound. It appeared as if some sort of trial were about to begin.

With many of the elderly scattered around the roomand guarding the exits with their scary looking canes, it was obvious that there was no escape. For Evan, the worst part of it all was that they had taken away his CD player, which was not tolerated. The only music he could hear was Lawrence Welk *shudder*... but where was it coming from? He looked around frantically only to find a CD player that one of the more technologically advanced fogeys had brought in. Remembering that he had brought his pocket sized CD carrier, he came up with a plan.... but first he needed a distraction. Evan turned to Susanne and asked "hey, are you thinking what I'm thinking?" To which she replied with a giggle, "I think so Evan, but how are we supposed to get the monkeys to wear pantyhose?" Frusterated, Evan turned to Alison and asked her to start tap dancing as best she could (because old people like talents like that). Amazingly and to everyone's surprise, Alison was quite the talented tap dancer. While Alison was amusing all the oldies, Evan quickly cut the rope binding his hands using a sharp edge of Emily's ass-plate. Then, he untied Emily and Heather and ran over to the CD player.

They were ready to switch CD's when a problem arose. Evan could not decide which CD to choose (quite the common problem). Time was running out, Alison was running out of slick moves and the old people were getting restless... what to do?!?! Finally, it was decided that My Chemical Romance would be the best CD for their plan. In it went and the volume was cranked. Thanks For The Venom (<---- promotion, download or buy the CD) screamed out of the speakers. After a few seconds shouts such as "Damn kids and their loud music" or "AHHH my hearing aid!" echoed around the room. Leaving the stunned ancients behind, the Teen Girl Squad untied Alison and fled the room through the first door they could find. Running down a staircase, they noticed a doorway leading outside. Quickly sprinting out, they were free... but for how long? Nap time was almost over and evening mass was about to begin in the church next to them. "Thank God we're out of here" said Heather thanking God... With that, God was all like "Oh no you dih'nt thank me!" (vengeful fellow he is) and the church bells rang signifying the beginning of evening mass. Evan, hearing his mom calling him from 10 blocks away (good hearing due to having to hear people over his music) began to head home for dinner. The girls watching Evan walk off into the sunset heard strange noises headed their way. First, they heard doors opening, then a sudden rush of clicking canes and motor scooters. The wave of old folks were off to church and headed straight for the TGS! What would happen to them? how would they escape? what was Evan having for dinner?!?! Find out all this and more next time on The Adventures of the Teen Girl Squad! Dun-dun, dun-dun-dun, duhhhhhh